Humor
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
(Best pick-up line ever). Your body is like 9/11. I wanna crash into your twin towers. 😏
What do you call an Asian telephone?
Ling Ling.
A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."
I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."
What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?
Sixty nein.
Yo momma is so ugly, she made my Happy Meal cry.
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
Actually, Iron Man is female.
Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.
Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.
A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To make a catastrophy on the road.
ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hey Donut.