If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
Humor
I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!
A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?
Both are sick and twisted.
Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.
What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?
A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
How do you blindfold a woman?
Put a windshield in front of them.
"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"
My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"
Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.
What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?
Condoms.
I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."
She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."
What do you call a gay drive-by?
A fruit roll up.
6 Germans walk into a bar... and only three walk out.
What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?
Sixty nein.
Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?
He shot a Ginger.
What do you call an Asian telephone?
Ling Ling.
I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.
