Humor

Do you wanna know how I recently seduced an obese woman? Actually, it was a piece of cake.

I was sitting at a bench at the park and saw a lady. She asked which kid was mine, and I responded, "I haven't decided yet."

What did the titanic say as it was sinking?

I nominate all the passengers to the ice bucket challenge.

Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)

A friend called me a while back saying, "I have COVID.... I can't breathe, I really have a hard time breathing."

I reply saying, "Dude, you need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.

Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

What's the fastest thing on earth?

An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

If an orphan takes a selfie, isn't it basically a family portrait?

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.

What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.