Humor

I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.

A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.

I just left him hanging.

Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

Why did the cat cross the road?

To make a catastrophy on the road.

Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?

It's pretty much a downward spiral.

What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?

Speed humps.

What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?

A liar.

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."

I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!

When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?

A. The Purge.

Spell 'Imap' and say 'ness' at the end.

What's the fastest thing on earth?

An Ethiopian with a McDonald's Voucher.

Just give him a smooch it’s better than the cooch - Dream