Humor

If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

Big hands.

I see, you guys jokers are SANS-ational!

A fat girl was dancing on the table, and I said, "Nice legs." She says, "You really think so?" And I say, "Yes, definitely, most tables would have been broken by now."

A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."

Why did piglet go to the bathroom?

To search for Poo.

What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?

Both are sick and twisted.

Yo mama so fat, when she took a picture of herself, her phone ran out of storage.

What's the difference between a priest and a pimple?

A pimple will wait until you're 12 years old to come on your face.

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

How do you blindfold a woman?

Put a windshield in front of them.

"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

What separates bad jokes from dad jokes?

Condoms.

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

What do you call a gay drive-by?

A fruit roll up.

6 Germans walk into a bar... and only three walk out.

What was Hitler’s favorite sex position?

Sixty nein.

Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?

He shot a Ginger.

What do you call an Asian telephone?

Ling Ling.

I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.