Humor

What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?

This would be much better if you were alive.

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."

Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)

"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))

And slice jokes!

What kind of "slices"?

Handy ones. ^_^

What time do butts get up? At the crack of dawn!!!

What's the most fun a monk can have?

Nun.

Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.

It's not rape if they can't say no. Duct tape.

How many fingers am I holding up?

Said the suicide bomber, referring to the countdown.

How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.

My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.

A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.

One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."

The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"

The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."

So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.

"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."

The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"

The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."

The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"

I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.

I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.

My best friend got ligma. (Ah, did he? Sorry bro.) LIGMA BALLS!

Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.

September 11th. #BringYourPlaneToWorkDay

Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!

I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.