Humor
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
I was going to tell my dad a joke, but he still hasn't come back with the milk yet.
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled, "Does anyone know CPR?" I said, "I know the whole alphabet." Everyone laughed and laughed, well, everyone except one.
The best joke in the world is me.
Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb.
I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
What happens when Rick Astley is getting an erection whilst singing "Never Gonna Give You Up"?
You get PRICKrolled.
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
What do you find up a ghost's nose? A BOOger.
Student: "May I use the restroom, professor?"
Professor: "Oui oui."
Student: "No, professor, doo doo!"
What do you call a spice with a PHD?
Dr. Pepper
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.