Humor

Help, my ADHD is so bad that not even I can focus in a concentration camp.

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

How do you stop a woman from choking?

Back up an inch.

What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?

Some people don’t pick it.

If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?

I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣

In honor of Diddy:

The ice cream machine at McDonald's now works!

What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?

It's legal to get stoned.

My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!

Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”

Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”

I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."

Then which one are you?

Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉

Two skeleton brothers are talking.

1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"

2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"

I was going to make a chemistry joke. But it looks like I won’t get a reaction :)

What's an African's favorite sport to play, but they can't? Water polo.

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."