Humor
I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts.
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"
What is a prostitute's favorite form of traffic control?
Speed humps.
Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.
Took me about 15 seconds of staring in confusion to figure out how the illusion worked
What did the short Chinese man say when he was called a dwarf? "Da fok yu sai tu meee."
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair coming out of a building on fire? Hot wheels.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
The best joke in the world is me.
Don't say that you're not a joke. Jokes have meanings.
Student: "May I use the restroom, professor?"
Professor: "Oui oui."
Student: "No, professor, doo doo!"
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb.
What do you find up a ghost's nose? A BOOger.
Q: Why couldn’t Poe Dameron find his sandwich?
A: Because BB-8 it.
Ya it's bad:)
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
Israel and Palestine jokes are hard at these times.
It’s all about execution.
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”
My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
I ran into a dwarf and he said: "Well, I’m not Happy."
Then which one are you?
Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉