Health jokes
Sometimes a depressed person is antidepression.
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
I'm sick of crying; tired of trying; yes, I'm still smiling; inside I'm dying.
Son: Dad, what's a morbid joke?
Father: Walk over to a homeless man and throw a rock at him, then you will know.
Son: But Dad, I don't have arms or legs.
Father: Now you know.
What's the most expensive haircut?
Chemotherapy.
Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
Donald Trump is getting all the perks of 2020. He got COVID and lost his job.
This person has Down syndrome.
Why'd Sally drop her ice cream?
She was hit by a bus.
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
If someone calls you, just say:
"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Cancer
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I see how it is y’all be buying toilet paper, stocking up from the Coronavirus, but where on the symptoms does it say diarrhea? Lol, why y’all be buying toilet paper, now I am just confused.
Why are colds such bad robbers?
Because they're so easy to catch.
What did the dentist say to the butt?
"That's the largest cavity I've ever seen!"