Health jokes

What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?

A rape victim!

I see how it is y’all be buying toilet paper, stocking up from the Coronavirus, but where on the symptoms does it say diarrhea? Lol, why y’all be buying toilet paper, now I am just confused.

Why are colds such bad robbers?

Because they're so easy to catch.

What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?

Babies are healthier.

My therapist said time heals all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait...

What do you call my sister?

Suicidal.

My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!

Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can’t defeat cancer!

What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?

Thanks for coming!

Why did Joe Biden go to the hospital? Because he couldn't stop Putin.

Dark humor is like cancer, it's funnier when children get it.

What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.

Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.

What is stuck between a doorway?

Rebel Wilson.

Why didn't the skeleton play football?

His heart wasn't in it!

What did the dentist say to the butt?

"That's the largest cavity I've ever seen!"

A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.

Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*

Friend: Are you okay?

Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!

A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"

The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."

The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.

What do you call a dwarf with borderline autism? Jimothy.

How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?

It’s all Depends!