Health jokes
Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.
If someone calls you, just say:
"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Cancer
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!
I see how it is y’all be buying toilet paper, stocking up from the Coronavirus, but where on the symptoms does it say diarrhea? Lol, why y’all be buying toilet paper, now I am just confused.
What do you call my sister?
Suicidal.
Yo mama's so fat, she woke up on both sides of the bed.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?
Thanks for coming!
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
Technoblade can defeat every Minecraft player, but he still can’t defeat cancer!
Why did Joe Biden go to the hospital? Because he couldn't stop Putin.
Dark humor is like cancer, it's funnier when children get it.
My therapist said time heals all wounds. I stabbed him. Now we wait...
My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
What's the motto for a pizza place that's also an abortion clinic: Your loss is our sauce.
Why didn't the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn't in it!