Health jokes
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
What is the difference between me and cancer?
My mom did beat cancer.
What creature takes the most medicine?
Caterpillar.
I stole a wheelchair from a disabled kid. What is he going to do, stand up?
Q: What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?
A: AIDS.
Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.
Son: Daddy, why is this red soup so sweet?
Because your mother had diabetes.
I saw a disabled person in the super market. They were at the vegetable aisle.
Right, I have a dog and his name is Syndrome, and whenever he is good, I go "Good Syndrome," but whenever he is naughty, I go "Down Syndrome."
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?
The Las Vegas shooting.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?
Soaked...
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
What do you call an Asian in a wheelchair? Sum Ting Wong.