Health jokes
So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.
Why do I love a block? Because I can fall off the stairs.
You are so fat you tried to eat the word "edible."
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!
What time is it when dogs get hurt?
Time to take your dog to the vet!
Hydrate guys
My grief counselor died.
He was so good, I don’t even care! 😂😂😂
An autistic kid.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!
But he’s all right now.
Robert Smith walks into a hospital. The nurse says, "We have the cure!"
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.
He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"
A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.
The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.
The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.
9 years later......
All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
What do you call an ear that's dead? Deaf. Hahaha! Oh wait...
What do squats eat? Numbers.
Most of his Taliban friends have more wives than teeth.
Jingle bells, Braedyn says, "Yummy!" to a turd.
Then, he takes it out of the toilet and wipes it all over the wall!
Jingle bells, Braedyn says, "Yummy!" to a turd.
Then, he takes it out of the toilet and wipes it all over the wall!