Health jokes

What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?

An earthquake.

Why do pedos hate corona? Because they have to stay two meters away from children. 😈

When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"

I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."

What's the difference between me and cancer?

My dad didn't beat cancer.

What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?

Soaked...

What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?

One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!

What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?

The Las Vegas shooting.

What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?

What do you call a retarded fruit?

Mentally in-pear-ed.

Your mama so fat that when she went to McDonald's, they said, "Sorry, you've had enough, ma'am."

Last time Kenny ate a vegetable, he got banned from his mom's nursing home.

What’s the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable? The wheelchair.

What’s the difference between a pimple and a Priest?

You see, a pimple wouldn’t normally come on a kid until he’s 13 years old.

This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.

He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”

Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.

Stephen Hawking had pins and needles and got told to walk it off.

Yo mama's so fat that she used a telephone pole as a tampon.

Why are hospitals always freezing?

They need to keep the vegetables cold.

What's red, six inches long, and made my girlfriend cry when I fed it to her?

Her miscarriage.

It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.

I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.