A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
Health Jokes
You're so skinny, starving Ethiopians offer you food!
I am always high, welcome to bipolar disorder. LMAO. (Don't bother to like or comment, I just had to say this.)
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
What does a blind man and your dick have in common?
They both can’t get up without a dog.
I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
Official orgasm donor.
My friend died from Ligma!
Ligma balls.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
You're so fat, when you step on a scale it says, "To be continued."
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
They say during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the fuck runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?
Roses are red, violets are blue, by the way, I have the flu!
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]
Erectile dysfunction.
