Health jokes

My arm has a different texture than the rest of me, lol.

Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Gay is a mental illness.

You're not thinking straight.

You're so fat, you only know the letters KFC.

Me: Hey friend!

Friend: Yes?

Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.

Friend: Touch.

Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)

Friend: Grass.

Me: And you get?

Friend: Touch grass.

Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.

My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.

You're so skinny, starving Ethiopians offer you food!

What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?

Her miscarriage.

Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.

Why is a priest different from acne?

Acne waits to come on your face.

There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.

Covid be like, "I'm going to take your breath away."

A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."

When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!

What’s the worst part of a vegetable?

A wheelchair.

Your mom is SOO stupid, she was studying for a COVID test.

What does a person eat before a race?

Answer: They fast.

When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."