Health jokes
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
Memes
HAHAHA
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
Q: What do you call deaf Magic Johnson?
A: Hearing Aids.
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
Why didn't the drummer play?
Because he got a percussion.
My hips can't move, but Heineken.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy.
I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Sorry you are sneezing. Have you got a cold?
One time Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction from eating 12-year-old nuts.
Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer, why?
Doctor: What are the chances?
Patient: Of what?
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.