Health jokes
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb.
What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?
They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?
Ereptile Dysfunction!
My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.
What's autism! My name is Dee Snutz!
My ass itches.
What do you call an epileptic kid on cocaine?
An earthquake.
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
You think people with glasses are smart, but they fail the eye doctor test.
Baal jharne ke upay?
Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"
Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!
What do you call a ruptured Chinese man?
One Hung Lo.
What part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat?
The wheelchair.
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)