Health

Health jokes

Abortion

    • What’s red, nine inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry every time she sees it?

    Her abortion.

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    • Anorexia

    • I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.

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    • Time

    • Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...

    Health memes

    Blonde

    • A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."

    The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"

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    • Patient

    • A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.

    The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."

    Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.

    Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.

    After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.

    Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"

    The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."

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    • Dog

    • What do you give a dog with a fever?

    Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

    Hamster

    • What does a cigarette and a hamster have in common?

    Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

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    • Death

    • What's about 12 inches long, has a purple head, and can make women scream all night?

    Cot death.

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