Health jokes

Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.

Knock knock. Who's there? Artichokes. Artichokes who? Artichokes when he eats too fast.

I went to a disco at a seafood restaurant the other day...

... And pulled a mussel.

You know who else suffers from Alzheimer's...

You know who else suffers from Alzheimer's.

What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"

When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."

When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!

Covid be like, "I'm going to take your breath away."

What does a person eat before a race?

Answer: They fast.

My friend died from Ligma!

Ligma balls.

What’s the worst part of a vegetable?

A wheelchair.

Your mom is SOO stupid, she was studying for a COVID test.

Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.

You're so skinny, starving Ethiopians offer you food!

My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.

You're so fat, you only know the letters KFC.

There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.

A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."

Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.

What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?

Cause they want to become Super Man.