Health jokes

There are painkillers, but they only relieve physical pain. I wish something could relieve my internal pain.

What's Juice Wrld's favorite salad? A seizure salad.

Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!

A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"

"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."

Therapist just mean the-rapist.

What do my little brother and a vagina have in common?

They both ooze blood 🩸 when punched.

A woman walks into a dentist's office, sits on the counter, and spreads her legs.

The dentist says, "I think you have the wrong idea with that." The woman replies, "Last week you gave my husband his false teeth; now you can get them out."

What happens when premenstrual Raggedy Ann gets with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A red headed bitch with a yeast infection.

Dark humor is like the plague; everyone was supposed to get it.

China wants their name on everything but the m.f. virus.

Yo mama so old that her breastmilk was powdered. You breastfeed like this 🌬💨.

Why is it cold in hospitals?

To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.

Why did the booty go to therapy?

It had some DEEP-SEATED issues.

Why are you so bonely, my friend? I am at least glad that you are not boneless.

How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?

It's only got 10 hours to live.

Quit making those progeria jokes. They get old very quickly.

I wanted to get brain surgery.

I changed my mind.

I went to a seafood shop.

I pulled a muscle.

How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?

They egg-xercise every day!

Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."

And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.