Health jokes
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
Your mom is SOO stupid, she was studying for a COVID test.
What’s the worst part of a vegetable?
A wheelchair.
My friend died from Ligma!
Ligma balls.
When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."
Memes
HAHAHA
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes on a diet, it ends world hunger.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy.
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!
My hips can't move, but Heineken.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Sorry you are sneezing. Have you got a cold?
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer, why?
Doctor: What are the chances?
Patient: Of what?
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.