Health jokes
A depressed kid didn't succeed at suicide and said, "I'm a failure at suicide, too."
A boy went to a doctor, and the doctor said, "I can't treat you." The boy asked why, and the doctor said, "Because I'm a family doctor."
Uma Thurman's optometrist must have wide glasses sometimes.
When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!
Covid be like, "I'm going to take your breath away."
Memes
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
Your mom is SOO stupid, she was studying for a COVID test.
What’s the worst part of a vegetable?
A wheelchair.
My friend died from Ligma!
Ligma balls.
When you step on the scales, it says "to be confined."
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes on a diet, it ends world hunger.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Because it felt crummy.
I have had an obsession with soap. Don’t worry, I am all clean now!
My hips can't move, but Heineken.
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Sorry you are sneezing. Have you got a cold?