Health jokes
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
It works, my brother has never slept better
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.
What did the chef say to the skeleton?
"Bone appetit!"
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up!
What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?
Nothing, he had no friends.
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is...
Wait, where are we again?
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.