Health Jokes

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.

Why did the doctor get mad?

Because he was losing his patients.

We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.

I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.

it all makes sense now 😮😮😮

The image has the title "Cooties" followed by a definition. "Diseases that the opposite sex has that gives you a reason to not be around them. When you get older, cooties becomes known as 'STDs.'" It then gives two examples: "Age 8: 'Ewww... She has cooties, I can't talk to her!'" and "Age 15: 'Ewww... She has herpes, I can't sleep with her!'"

Me: I'm afraid of random letters.

Therapist: You are?

Me: [screams]

Therapist: Oh, I see.

Me: [screaming intensifies]

Aren't paraplegics just plegics who can fly?

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”

I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.

What is better than winning gold at the Para Olympics?

WALKING!

Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.

With great depression comes great antidepressants.

What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?

A fizzician.

I would've made a joke about Alzheimer's, too bad I forgot about it...

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.

Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.

Doc: What's wrong with that?

Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.

I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.

It was the hardest day of my life.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

An eight-year-old girl struggles to breathe as she lies on a hospital bed and waits for the doctor to come. After the doctor comes, he pulls his cock out of her mouth, and she can breathe much better.