Health jokes
How do you tell a child they have cancer?
With a smile on your face.
How do you tell if a loaf of bread has Down Syndrome?
It has an extra crumb-osome.
Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?
Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
Me after hearing
What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.
What did the chef say to the skeleton?
"Bone appetit!"
What do sprinters eat before a race?
Nothing, they fast.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up!
What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?
Nothing, he had no friends.
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.
(Extra Cholesterol)
Why do Mexicans take Xanax?
Because they’re Hispanic attacks.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing!
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
My doctor asked my brother if anyone in the family suffers from mental illness.
He replied: "No, we all seem to rather enjoy it!"
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.