Health jokes
You lost 30 lbs when you joined Weight Watchers, and lost another 10 lbs when they shaved your back.
My grandpa died to ligma.
Ligma balls lol.
Why did the butt let out a fart?
Answer: To wipe out humanity!
How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?
They egg-xercise every day!
What did the butt say to the other butt? "I got big fat apples for butt checks!"
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
Why is the world split in half? Because fat people are weighing the Earth down.
What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.
What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.
What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
Your mama so fat that when she went to McDonald's, they said, "Sorry, you've had enough, ma'am."
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"
Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.
What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?
Steamed veggies!
Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
A butt saw the toilet and said, "Shit, I'm sick!"
Did you hear about the deaf guy's STI?
He got hearing aids.