Health jokes

You're so fat that you only know 3 letters: KFC.

The tent pole is up, The canvas is spread, The hell with breakfast, Come back to bed.

Take the tent pole down, Put the canvas away, The monkey had a hemorrhage, No circus today.

Keep rolling your eyes, maybe you'll find a brain back there.

What did the chef say to the skeleton?

"Bone appetit!"

I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.

I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.

I heard you were looking for a stud...

I already have the STD; all I need is you.

Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.

Yo mama so fat, she died!

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.

Why do pedos hate corona? Because they have to stay two meters away from children. 😈

Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.

A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"

Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.

Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye

You've got a body inside you--it's called your body bones.

What’s the hardest part of a veggie to eat?

The wheelchair.

Why was the man running around his bed?

Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!

"I'm sorry, Wendy, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."

A father of a young girl comes and meets the doctor.

Father: Doctor, how is my daughter's report?

Doctor: Congrats, your daughter is pregnant.

Father: WTF ?????? My daughter is 10 years old and unmarried.

I wake up in the morning and I suck my teeth.

If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?

Worms and rotten fruit.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.