Health jokes

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!

If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.

What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?

Borderline Personality Disorder.

Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?

A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏

What's the best time to hang out with an Indian? When your nose is clogged.

What's stiff and 6 inches long?

SIDS.

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.

What’s positive in Africa?

HIV/AIDS.

What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?

Not being retarded.

What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?

A baked potato.

Roses are red, oranges are orange.

Get a life, quit watching porn.

How do you lift a depressed person up?

No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.

In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.

One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”

What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!

How do you tell a child they have cancer?

With a smile on your face.

What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?

Vegetable soup.

Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?

Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.

What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.