Health jokes
What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
Not being retarded.
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
What’s positive in Africa?
HIV/AIDS.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
Roses are red, oranges are orange.
Get a life, quit watching porn.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?
Borderline Personality Disorder.
What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?
I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!
One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
What's the best time to hang out with an Indian? When your nose is clogged.
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
A 10 year old girl meets with her doctor. The doctor tells her “Katie, I’m sorry to have to tell you that your parents didn’t survive the accident. Sadly, our tests also show that you have early onset Alzheimer’s disease.”
Katie replies “well at least my parents will look after me.”
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!