What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?
Nothing, he had no friends.
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.
Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.
Me: Oh, I already tried that.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.
(Extra Cholesterol)
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.
What do you give a pig when it has a rash?
Oinkment.
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
