Health jokes
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
What is the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.
JACK AND JILL 2.0
After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,
Jack was screaming till his voice went nil,
And Jill screamed "Chill!"
The reason Stephen sounds like a computer is because he ate his USB.
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
One time in my dream, I had a dream that all people in wheelchairs could walk. It was awesome; I could walk!
My fucking balls hurt so god damn bad, oh my god!
What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?
I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!
What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?
Borderline Personality Disorder.
Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?
A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?
What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?
A seizure salad.
What’s positive in Africa?
HIV/AIDS.
How do you lift a depressed person up?
No need, they'll find a way to get on the tree somehow.
What do you call a guy that's high in a wheelchair?
A baked potato.
Roses are red, oranges are orange.
Get a life, quit watching porn.