Health jokes

What do you call a fat person in a wheelchair?

A broken wheelchair.

If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.

What mental disorder do all Mexicans have?

Borderline Personality Disorder.

What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?

Cancer.

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme?

I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out!

What's the best time to hang out with an Indian? When your nose is clogged.

What's stiff and 6 inches long?

SIDS.

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.

What’s better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?

Not being retarded.

What do you call a room full of disabled people with epilepsy?

A seizure salad.

Roses are red, oranges are orange.

Get a life, quit watching porn.

Q: What do you say to a kid who threatens to beat you up?

A: We can always rearrange your liver 😏

What's the name of a cannibal's favorite all-you-can-eat buffet? Planned Parenthood!

How do you tell a child they have cancer?

With a smile on your face.

Friend: Why don't you cut your hair?

Me: Dunno, but I'll probably cut my wrists first.

What's the difference between cancer and a Nazi? Cancer doesn't discriminate.

Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.

What do sprinters eat before a race?

Nothing, they fast.

What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.