Grandmother jokes

Wolf looks like a fox.

It has the sharpest claws.

It has a bushy tail.

To eat, it doesn't fail.

It has a coat of red.

My grandmother has said,

It hunts in search of food.

It is never, never good!

Nana when Zane kisses her in her mind: [Insert Chiwawa Scream!]

My grandmother made her passage on a boat. The thing wasn’t the only thing that went down.

I'll turn ya nan into bonemeal.

My nan's gayyyyyy.

What's the definition of disgusting?

Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.

The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"

Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."

Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

Why did the grandmother put wheels on her rocking chair?

... she likes to rock and roll lol.

My grandmother made her passage on the Titanic. The ship was not the only thing that went down.

A boy was terrible at writing sentences, so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences, and return to school the next day.

When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call, so he angrily shouted at the child, "Shut up, you donkey!" The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom, who assumed that he wanted to play video games, so she said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." That was his second sentence. For the third sentence, he went to his older brother, who was watching football where someone scored a goal, so he was jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!"

For the fourth sentence, he went to his sister, who was singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" For the last sentence, he went to his grandmother, who was cleaning the toilet and singing, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."

He went to school the next day, and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, "Shut up, you donkey!" The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, "Do you want me to slap you?" The boy said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately, he started jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!" The teacher dragged him to the principal's office, as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was, to which he replied by singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" She asked him where he lived, so he sang, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."

Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.

This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.

I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!

What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?

Your nan's a GILF!

What is the difference between a grandmother and a maid?

One is hope and the other is soap.

What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?

Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.

What's worse than sticking 12 raw oysters up your grandma's pussy and sucking them out?

Sticking 12 raw oysters up there and sucking out 13.

A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.

Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.