Health jokes
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.
Memes
What’s the difference between drugs and kids?
I don’t do drugs.
Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.
I can't stand disability jokes.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
Why did the condom cross the road?
Because he was pissed off.
My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...
Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
l li
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I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.
What’s white and sticky and better to spit out than to swallow? Toothpaste.