Health jokes
Once upon a time, Bob was in his hospital bed receiving medical treatment soon after finding out he had cancer. One day, his friend Jeremy decided to visit Bob and told him this very inspiring sentence: "Sometimes in life, you and your heart will climb peaking mountains, and cross low valleys."
Little did Bob know that Jeremy was talking about his heart monitor.
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
How do you make epileptic kids dance?
Throw a flash bang in their room.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?
A baked potato.
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
What's the difference between herpes and my dad?
Herpes stays around.
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
More about Quinn: He loves Robin. He loves his tight ass. He licks up all his shit after Taco Bell.