I don't know what an HD is, but my doctor says I have 80 of 'em'.
Health Jokes
I have more respect for cancer than depression, because cancer has the balls to kill me himself.
Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...
A piece of cake.
I heard you were looking for a stud...
I already have the STD; all I need is you.
Once my sister was a sister, now she's a blister.
Why is it you donate one kidney, you're a hero, but donate four or five and people run and call the police?
I'm related to diarrhea; it runs in my jeans.
Chiropractor: Final neck adjustment in 3, 2, 1. How did that feel?
Me: *silence*
What do we want? A cure for obesity.
When do we want it? After lunch.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?
A toothbrush.
What is six inches, goes in your mouth, and it's fun when it vibrates? A toothbrush.
What’s the best way to get gum out of hair?
Cancer.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
I hate wearing a mask in public.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste!
What does a tornado need when it has multiple sclerosis?
A hurri-CANE.
