Health jokes

Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?

She wanted to be for sure for sure!

Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!

A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"

People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

Why was the man running around his bed?

Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."

What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?

"Mind if I join you?"

Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.

Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.

What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?

A blood bath.

I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.

So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."

What’s the difference between drugs and kids?

I don’t do drugs.

Somebody stole my joke.

So I stole their spinal cord.

Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

Why did the ball person go to the doctor?

He was kicked in the balls.

Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.

I can't stand disability jokes.

My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.

My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.