Health jokes
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
I decided to make a charity bungee jump for the local disabled. It's called "Spastics on Elastics."
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
What's the difference between herpes and my dad?
Herpes stays around.
More about Quinn: He loves Robin. He loves his tight ass. He licks up all his shit after Taco Bell.
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!
A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.