Health jokes

What's the difference between herpes and my dad?

Herpes stays around.

A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"

Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?

"Mind if I join you?"

Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.

Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.

What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?

A blood bath.

I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.

So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."

What’s the difference between drugs and kids?

I don’t do drugs.

Somebody stole my joke.

So I stole their spinal cord.

Yo mama so dumb, she went to the eye doctor to get an iPhone.

I can't stand disability jokes.

My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.

My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.

"I have cancer," the doctor said. "I have 3 days to live," but I was like "fuck it" and killed him. The jury said, "I have life in prison." I shouted, "Yes!" He said, "Thank you, you saved my life!"

Why did the ball person go to the doctor?

He was kicked in the balls.

Why did the condom cross the road?

Because he was pissed off.

My depressed body would look great hanging from a tree...

Why did people take Stephen Hawking's to the hospital when we should have took him to Curry's PC World?

Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

Because he lost his filling.