Health jokes
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
A dyslexic walks into a bra.
My therapist said time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
Q: What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in the bathtub?
A: Throw in some laundry.
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
More about Quinn: He loves Robin. He loves his tight ass. He licks up all his shit after Taco Bell.
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea, his eye hurts. The doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink. When he finished, the doctor told him: "From now on, take off the spoon."
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!
A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"
What do you call a duck on drugs?
A quackhead.
Why did the blonde chick buy two Plan B pills?
She wanted to be for sure for sure!
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.
What’s the difference between drugs and kids?
I don’t do drugs.