Health jokes
And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.
To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.
What do you give a pig when it has a rash?
Oinkment.
I'm stumped.
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
I wasn't going to have a brain transplant...
But then I changed my mind.
Welp
Why did the man put himself on fire?
To BURN Calories.
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?
You get a good connection.
What's breakdancing, twitching, and noisy?
A child with epilepsy.
When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you.
When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called--sheesh!
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
COVID is like fashion...
We started hearing about it in Italy...
Became popular in LA and NYC...
Florida ignored it...
And it was all made in China in the end.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
Why do Mexicans take Xanax?
Because they’re Hispanic attacks.
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*