Health jokes

Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.

Doc: What's wrong with that?

Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.

I would've made a joke about Alzheimer's, too bad I forgot about it...

What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.

What do you call a ruptured Chinese man?

One Hung Lo.

My grief counselor died.

He was so good, I don’t even care! 😂😂😂

What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?

They both take it in the back and go woop woop.

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

Why are kids so skinny?

Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.

It was the hardest day of my life.

My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.

Exercise?

I thought you said "extra fries!"

-A minion (you may now laugh).

A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.

The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is...

Wait, where are we again?

Why did the doctor get mad?

Because he was losing his patients.

My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.

We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.

I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."