Health jokes
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!
What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?
You die of laughter.
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics!
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
Why are kids so skinny?
Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.
Life's like a box of chocolates. Doesn't last long for fat people.
A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?
Adolf Fit-ler.
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.
I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.
Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.