Health jokes
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
What do you call it when a gay guy farts?
An abortion.
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
Memes
Shitpost-master general
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
What is the only part of a vegetable you can’t eat?
The wheelchair.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
What do you call a cripple convention? A salad.
Do you want drugs? Buy KFC; poor people.
Male Patient: So, I just pull my pants down and bend over for this prostate exam?
Doctor: Yep.
Male Patient: Ok, I'm ready. Hey! That doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: Yep, and I'm not even a doctor.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!
What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.
People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics!