Health jokes
Life's like a box of chocolates. Doesn't last long for fat people.
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
Jack and Jill wanted some pills.
So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.
What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?
You die of laughter.
Chuck Norris has come in contact with Covid.
Covid is now in a 14-day quarantine.
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
What part of a vegetable can't you eat? The wheelchair.
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?
One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.
Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheel.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
Your mum is so fat, when I see her, I get depressed.
Q: Why are medication pills white?
A: Because they work.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics!
Why are you so white?
Because you have no lotion on.