Health jokes
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?
Adolf Fit-ler.
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.
I would've made a joke about Alzheimer's, too bad I forgot about it...
I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.
Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is...
Wait, where are we again?
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he was losing his patients.
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
Why do orphans die so much?
'Cause MJ said "she got COVID-19."