Health jokes

What is a part of a vegetable you can't eat?

The wheelchair.

A: Do you eat food?

B: Yes...

A: You can sit on deez nuts then!

B: Omg I have depression now.

Doctor: Tomorrow is like John Cena, you won’t see it.

Why did the Mexican take the tamale to the hospital?

Tamlito.

If I was going to the doctor, he asked me to turn around, and he stuck a nettle in my ass.

I'm a recovering cake addict.

Spppppp.

A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"

What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"

He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"

I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.

Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?

When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.

Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*

She has cancer.

Want one way to get a free haircut?

Call the cancer hotline.

An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"

Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"

Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."

Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.

Guy 1: What's your favorite vegetable?

Guy 2: Stephen Hawking.

How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.

There was a deaf man. He was deaf. Ha, sucks for him! (sans undertale)

Your mama is so fat that all restaurants say, "Maximum weight 240KG or your mum!"

You've got a body inside you. It's called your bones.