Health jokes

One day a skeleton never worked. Everyone called him lazybones.

Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?

Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.

You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?

A blonde went to an HIV test. When she came back, she said, “The doctors say that I’m all positive!”

A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"

What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"

He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"

Stroke victims are my heroes.

My favorite is Louis C.K.

What do you play Fallout 4 with low health?

You Fallout.

If I was going to the doctor, he asked me to turn around, and he stuck a nettle in my ass.

Spppppp.

I put glue in a man :)

Yo mama so hairy, when the baby came out, the baby died because of carpet burning!

If Stephen Hawking is ill, does he go to the doctors or Currys PC World?

When Stephen Hawking is ill 🤮, do you take him to Curry's PC World or the doctors? 😂😂😂😂

An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"

Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"

Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."

How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.

Guy 1: What's your favorite vegetable?

Guy 2: Stephen Hawking.

Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.

There was a deaf man. He was deaf. Ha, sucks for him! (sans undertale)

Your mama is so fat that all restaurants say, "Maximum weight 240KG or your mum!"