Health jokes
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
Guys, there is no need to worry about anti-vaxxers. The more there are, the less there are.
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.
What do you call a washed vegetable? A disabled kid that needs a towel.
1: I wish my cancer could kill me quicker so I don't have to do this class anymore.
2: I'm dying, finally.
3: I'm sorry, I can't go to your party because I'm expected to be dead by then.
On a serious note, I might actually have cancer and I'm getting checks. I hope for the best :/
I always say no to drugs, but considering that I'm talking to them right now, I probably already said yes.
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
What's the difference between an anal and oral thermometer?
The taste.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes on a diet, it ends world hunger.
I am thinking of removing my spine.
It's only holding me back.
What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a computer? Ctrl+Alt+Delete.
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?
You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?
Kids won't eat the broccoli.
Spinach
Your mama so fat that when she went to McDonald's, they said, "Sorry, you've had enough, ma'am."
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
A man goes to the doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world.
Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears, says "But doctor... I am Pagliacci."