Health jokes
Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.
Guy 1: What's your favorite vegetable?
Guy 2: Stephen Hawking.
An 80-year-old blind man asks his grandson, "Can you grab my glasses?"
Then the grandson says, "Did you get in the flour again?"
Grandpa said, "No, it was the weed."
There was a deaf man. He was deaf. Ha, sucks for him! (sans undertale)
Your mama is so fat that all restaurants say, "Maximum weight 240KG or your mum!"
You've got a body inside you. It's called your bones.
What's the difference between a pope/preacher and acne?
Acne comes on your face when you're 13.
Why did only blonds show up at Saturday's party during the Corona crisis?
Because their computers flashed, "Virus blocked!"
What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?
Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...
I have ligma.
What did buttholes say after taking a dump?
Buttholes say what a good diarrhea dump.
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
What do you call an Italian with an anesthetic?
Ruberto
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, do you take him to PC World or A&E?
If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, would he go to hospital or Curry's PC World?
Rapist: "Get into the fucking van!"
Kid: "mi gniog ot tell ym momy"
Rapist: "Fine" (Grabs a white kid instead)
The vampire was kept awake all night because of his wife's coughin' (coffin...coughin'...get it?)
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
Mrs. Mallara's boobs were (69) pounds. She said that was too too too much (69222), so she went to 51st Street (6922251) to visit Doctor X (6922251 x), and the surgery lasted 8 hours (6922251 x 8).
She ended up (the total flipped upside down spells boobless) (=)55378008
Every hair zodiac has a hairstyle--except Cancer.