Health jokes
How do you properly eat a vegetable?
You tip over the wheelchair.
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
This ole boy picked up a hooker one time and she gave him the clap. In a few days, he saw her again, and he went up to her and said, "Hey, you gave me the clap!" She said, "NO I DID NOT! I sold it to ya!"
I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.
Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.
If I have ligma and you have ligma, how about you ligma balls? 😏 (It’s all about how you pronounce the end.)
Weaponization of flashlights
What's the definition of disgusting?
Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
You're so fat that I run around you for exercise.
"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
It's all fun and games until they start dancing.
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have anty-bodies.
Dwarfism is a growing problem.
Kidding, that’s not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.
He jumped off a curb stone.
What do you call a horde of Autistic kids?
A zombie Apocalypse!
Uuuuuuhhhhhhhhh🧟
Ajay's leg.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Steve!"
"Steve who?"
Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't wanna say this, but I have the flu.
What did the fat say to the other fat? I am fatey.
If someone has a hyperfixation with drawing and playing, does that mean they are on the "artism" spectrum?
What is the difference between me and cancer?
My mom did beat cancer.