Health jokes

If Stephen Hawking had a heart attack, do you take him to PC World or A&E?

Mrs. Mallara's boobs were (69) pounds. She said that was too too too much (69222), so she went to 51st Street (6922251) to visit Doctor X (6922251 x), and the surgery lasted 8 hours (6922251 x 8).

She ended up (the total flipped upside down spells boobless) (=)55378008

So, I'm sitting here smacking on some cheese ball BBQ my titties, and then I felt a shoe get shoved all the way up my ass. I cried, then turned around and said, "MOTHERFUCKING COCK SUCK FUCKIN GAY ASS HOE SHOVIN SHOE’S UP MY ASS SON OF A BITCH!" Then turned around, punched, and got smacked in the face. Went in for another punch, got smacked in the face, then people staring at me. I said, "WTF r u starin at," I punched as hard as I can, then got knocked out. I though this this isnt over motherfucker imma find u and kill u next thing i new i was in the hospital they told me why tf were u fighting a stops sign? I said what u were fighting a motherfuckering stop sign i sad bitchi aint crazing yo head a stop sign son of a bitch fuck my pussy u must be high! hai es a bitch muhfuhcka

My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.

Ha Ha Ha

I thought it was funny.

I needed a test on if I'm pregnant. Then the doc said, "Take your pants down." Then he put his penis in my vagina and said, "Now you are pregnant."

What do you call a wet condom?

A wet condom.

Dear uncle, I want my condoms.

Guy: Are you depression? 'Cause you're crippling me.

Car driver: No, I'm the guy that hit you with his car and crippled you.

Guy: Don't worry, I was already crippled because I got crippling depression.

I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.

"NORTH KOREA HAS ITS OWN NORTH KORONAVIRUS. IT STARTED THERE."

I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.

Guess who likes vegetables now?

What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.

My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.

Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.

A 6-year-old told the class the first time she got AIDS. The teacher listened. She said she scraped her knee. The girl was sent to an asylum. When she got out, she was 20. She had AIDS.

Ahh, the coronavirus!

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.

Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.

The African kids' theme song is "Staying Alive."

I have cripple and depression.

Your hairline is so repulsive that my entire family got eye cancer from seeing it, and it goes so far back that you be looking like Vegeta.