Health jokes

This is Sally.

Sally says hi.

This is Sally when a car comes by. 🤕

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age, but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.

What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?

They're both fat.

What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?

One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.

When a girl was having an asthma attack, Ariana said, "Just keep breathing and breathing and breathin!!!!!"

Why do Mexicans take Xanax?

Because they’re Hispanic attacks.

Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.

Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:

1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps

Should I buy COVID-19 or wait until COVID-20 comes out?

It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?

"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"

What's white, sticky, and better to spit out then to swallow?

Toothpaste.

A player in Baldi's Basics says, "Why are you bald?"

Baldi responds, "Well, I have cancer."

The player says, "Oh, good for you!"

Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.

Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.

How do you get a depressed person to jump?

Put them on a bridge.

A disabled man stands up.

A blind man says, "You can stand?"

A deaf man says, "You can see?"

A mute person says, "You can hear?"

The disabled man says, "You can talk!"

Doctor: "What the actual f**k"

So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."

What do depressed teenagers and fruits have in common?

They both hang by something.

John pretended to be a doctor.

Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."

John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"

Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."

John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"

Motu said, "I lost my memory."

John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"