Health jokes

I'm okay with giving babies iPads, as long as the baby has anencephaly.

You can't get brain rot if you don't have a brain!

When you went to McDonald's and sat down, you were so fat, they said, "TBC."

Q. What do you call a rich person who is in a vegetative state?

A. A loaded potato.

Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!

Q' What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite type of comedy?

A. I forget.

Q. What do you call a biracial kid in a vegetative state?

A. A mixed vegetable.

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

Which is more disabling, is it autism or Down syndrome?

Down syndrome sucks!

Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?

Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.

Only if Africans knew about condoms, so many mosquitoes wouldn't die of AIDS.

My cousin is a surgeon.

Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.

What's the most embarrassing thing about locking your keys in the car outside a pregnancy care center?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

Why did the rapper go to the dentist?

To fix his flow.

If someone has a hyperfixation with drawing and playing, does that mean they are on the "artism" spectrum?

Why did the ass go to therapy?

It couldn't deal with all the crap.

If you are fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?

True story: In 1986, in the midst of the HIV epidemic, they made condoms available to the public. At that time, me and my boyfriend were 13 years old. My boyfriend was so happy: "These will make great water balloons!" And I was even happier. I did not have to pack a lunch for school tomorrow, lol.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia

The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:

Delusions

Hallucinations