TRUE STORY!
X-Ray Tech: I broke my arm and went to the hospital. The X-Ray Tech was the hottest blonde I've ever seen.
I threw her ass down on the X-Ray table, ripped her clothes off, ripped off mine and I jumped on top of her!
Then I put the X-ray machine on top of us, turned it on and I looked up on the X-ray monitor and I watched and saw my sperm swimming up inside her!
I was reading a book one day when I suddenly heard a sound. It was the Grim Reaper. I ignored it and continued reading my book. Suddenly, I realized that I was one of the main characters, which, at the end, dies.
I used to like fireworks, but I'm dead now. Fireworks look like a charm if you don't mind something a little ghostly.
What lies beneath your nose and is being picked on? Your boogers.
If you have cancer, you are gay.
"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"
What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."
Why are people joking about this stuff?
Why did the man become stupid?
Cause he was suicidal, herbivorous. Ja...
Cancer is the best thing ever! Hahah, fuck all you cancer patients!
Yo mama so blind that when she played Fortnite, she got her vision back, got 'em!
Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.
I don't like condoms, but I like gay pregnant X.
The FitnessGramTM Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
Level 1 Feel it One Two Three Four Five Six Seven; end of level one.
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
Yo mama so fat, when she ate one cheeseburger, she pooped it out immediately because her butt was too big.
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
Do you know what it takes to beat cancer?
Heartbeat.
Yo, Dad is so skinny, he doesn't work out enough.
Lucky they're only balls, not real balls!
Yo mama so fat, she died!
Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.
