Health jokes
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
What store has the most vegetables?
A nursing home.
Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?
Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
🎉🎇🎊🎆🎈
- All over it like a fat kid on a cupcake.
- Giggling like a room full of fat kids.
- Drinking 8 cups of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers and 3 shots in 3 hours goes down like a fat kid on a seesaw.
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.
This is how to die soft 101.
Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?
Doctor asks his patient, "What is your zodiac sign?"
Patient replies, "Cancer." Doctor says, "What a coincidence!"
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
Perfect dinner joke.
Did you hear about the new movie, "Constipated?"
It hasn’t come out yet.
Me: Knock, knock.
Other person: Who’s there?
Me: Atch.
Other person: Atch who?
Me: Bless you!
"Parademics are so bad, yo mama can't stop!"
What is an old lady's favorite exercise?
Trying to get up from the soft couch.
Why did the rapper go to therapy?
He had too many BARS he couldn't drop.
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.
But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.
If Stephen Hawking is ill, does he go to the doctors or Currys PC World?
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.