Health jokes

Hello, welcome to Joe’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I help you today?

What happens when someone shoots the Hulk?

He got gangryeen.

Gangrene+green+angry

You're so fat you can't see your penis when you piss.

So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂

Zachary Disease Joke 🤣🤣🤣

https://youtu.be/xtmB7mZDYAs

Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"

What do you call a group of depressed people?

Sue-icide squad.

So I gave a disabled kid hot wheels. I mean cars, no I gave him literal hot wheels!

Technoblade: It is high vitamin B.

Quackiity: What does vitamin B stand for?

Technoblade: Broke.

What constellation has no hair at all?

Cancer.

Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.

Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.

Nancy be like, "Don't do drugs, do cock!"

Yo mama so gay, she almost passed away.

You're so skinny you use floss to wipe your butt.

What is a part of a vegetable you can't eat?

The wheelchair.

A: Do you eat food?

B: Yes...

A: You can sit on deez nuts then!

B: Omg I have depression now.

Doctor: Tomorrow is like John Cena, you won’t see it.

Why did the Mexican take the tamale to the hospital?

Tamlito.

If I was going to the doctor, he asked me to turn around, and he stuck a nettle in my ass.