Health jokes

What is a part of a vegetable you can't eat?

The wheelchair.

So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂

Zachary Disease Joke 🤣🤣🤣

https://youtu.be/xtmB7mZDYAs

You're so fat you can't see your penis when you piss.

What constellation has no hair at all?

Cancer.

Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"

Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.

What do you call a group of depressed people?

Sue-icide squad.

Doctor: Tomorrow is like John Cena, you won’t see it.

Hello, welcome to Joe’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I help you today?

Why did the Mexican take the tamale to the hospital?

Tamlito.

I'm a recovering cake addict.

If I was going to the doctor, he asked me to turn around, and he stuck a nettle in my ass.

Spppppp.

Stroke victims are my heroes.

My favorite is Louis C.K.

I put glue in a man :)

A blonde went to an HIV test. When she came back, she said, “The doctors say that I’m all positive!”

Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?

Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.

What did the skeleton say when his girlfriend said, "I'm gonna break your heart?"

He says, "Go ahead, you're not breaking my 206 healthy bones!"

What do you play Fallout 4 with low health?

You Fallout.