Health jokes
Michael Jackson had an allergic reaction after eating 12-year-old nuts.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?
My heartbeat.
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
I went to McDonald's to get a Big Mac. It was for his mom cause she was too fat.
What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.
You're losing all your friends, but never any calories.
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
Q: What is the hardest part of a cabbage?
A: Wheelchair.
Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid.
Why didn't the teddy bear go to the gym?
Because he didn't want to get ripped.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair! ♿
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the COVID-19 patients to stay positive.
What's worse than Aaron with Down syndrome?
Aaron with a rope.
My doctor told me I had Alzheimer’s.
I said to him, “I don’t remember asking.”
What do you get if you do not eat? Dry.
Did you hear that Joe contracted Sugondese Ligma on his trip to Suggon, and now he won’t be able to make it to Saw Con?
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair? Cancer.
What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Your mum is so fat she eats all day!