I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
I'm not suicidal, I'm just speedrunning life.
What's the difference between a maze and a depressed life? One of them you can find a way out of.
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
Titanic: "And I'm nominating everyone on board for the Ice Bucket challenge!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water. Jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter.
Please like this. I bet my friend 20 bucks that I would get to 15 likes before him.
Why can't depressed people leave the maze?
Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.
Me: Happy birthday! I got you a Rubix cube! Friend: I hate you. Me: Why? Friend: I'm color blind.
You call it a tragedy. I call it a 25 killstreak.
Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.
A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says, "Stop! I'm a magical tree. You can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks, then as he goes to swing the axe he says, "You may be a magical tree... But you will dialogue!"
Chuck Norris wins a staring contest. -- Against Medusa.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
People in 1912: "Titanic is unstoppable, even God couldn't sink this ship."
God: "Bet, where are my icebergs?"
Pennywise: "They all float down here!"
Titanic: *hold my beer*
If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
"Wanna play the rape game?"
"No!!!!"
"That's the spirit!"
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
A man walks into a pharmacy and buys multiple containers of Tylenol, and the clerk asks why he's buying all of these. He replies with, "I'm playing 1 pill eat 100."
We can't go under it...
We can't go over it...
We have to go through it!
