Health jokes

In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.

Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.

A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.

How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.

You've got a body inside you--it's called your body bones.

Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.

You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.

Health commercials be like:

Serious side effects can cause:

Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!

Bitches do be so flat, you would think they have breast cancer.

There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.

They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.

A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.

Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.

Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?

A: Tumor.

What’s the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.

I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.

My sister said you smell, but then she saw her panties having moles on it.

What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?

Afgan-I-Stand.

So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?

One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!

What's worse than Aaron with Down syndrome?

Aaron with a rope.

Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Mom: OMG, why son?

Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

Think about it, then spread LMAO.

What do you call a skeleton with no arms? An un-armed skeleton.

What do you call an autistic daughter?