Health jokes
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!
How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery? It’s all Depends!
What zodiac sign has no hair?
Cancer.
He is helping world hunger by feeding cancer.
What kind of tea is hard to swallow?
Reali-tea.
What did the fat say to the other fat? I am fatey.
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
How come the toilet paper could not make it across the road?
Because of the Corona Virus.
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!
Your mama so fat, the scale said, "Only one person at a time, please!"
As a son, I am so worried about the phone call message that my mom got from a member of The CDC. It was on speaker, so me and mom both hear. The message told my mom that she needs to personally isolate because two of the new symptoms is having big titties and a great personality.
What did the lungs say to the cigar?
"You take my breath away..."
Yo mama so fat they faked COVID-19 just to put a mask on her.
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas? Herpes.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
My willy was feeling itchy, so I decided to go to the doctor.
My doctor was foreign and spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. As I returned home, I noticed my willy was gone! Pessi stole my PENis thinking it was a Penalty just so he could statpad. SHAME ON YOU!
Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.
Plus, she's too young to smoke.