Health jokes
Doc: Can I help you?
Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.
Doc: When did it begin?
Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).
Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...
Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.
Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?
Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.
Cancer.
Timmy goes to the doctor and says, "There's a crack in my butt, doctor." Timmy, there is a crack in everyone's butt, see?
Q: What is the hardest part to eat on a cabbage?
A: The wheelchair.
As the coronavirus pandemic strengthens...
Trump - "Quick, inject yourselves with bleach!"
Also Trump - "I order everyone in America to wear a face mask except for me!"
I pooped in a bottle and stuck my finger through it.
I took some of the boo boo out, licked it, and rubbed it on a wall, making a BOO BOO portal. I jumped into it and I saw BOO BOO LAND. I rolled all in the chunk poop and drank the diarrhea.
Things said by racist aliens:
"Some of my best friends are Green."
"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."
"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."
"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"
"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."
"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"
"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."
"Get out of my store you grigger!"
"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"
In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.
Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.
A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
Suck tiny dick, now you have STD's.
Why do you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.
Have you seen the movie "Constipated?"
It hasn’t come out yet.
What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?
They both have an expiry date.
Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.
You've got a body inside you--it's called your body bones.
You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.
I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.
There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.
They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.
Bitches do be so flat, you would think they have breast cancer.