Health jokes
Have you seen the movie "Constipated?"
It hasn’t come out yet.
Why do you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
Because once you're a fruit, you can't be a vegetable.
In light of Trump's slurring, staggering, and incoherence, I wondered if he should get checked for a brain tumor.
Then I realized how ridiculous that sounded.
A tumor can't grow in something that doesn't exist in the first place.
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
A man sees a woman. He falls in love with her. Little did he know she had AIDS.
I invited my friend with a vasectomy to a party.
Unfortunately, he couldn't come.
What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?
They both have an expiry date.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
You've got a body inside you--it's called your body bones.
Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.
You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.
Bitches do be so flat, you would think they have breast cancer.
There is one difference between autistic kids and vegetarians.
They're both vegetables in serotonin ways.
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?
A: Tumor.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.
What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?
Afgan-I-Stand.
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.
I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.