Health jokes
What's the best part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing Minecraft all night.
Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my Switch when they come into my room. Now I'm about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY FUCKING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing "intense kissing" the next morning. I believed that at the time, but now I've been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn't.
When a fat person wants to kill themselves, why are they so worried? The diabetes will get to them sooner or later!
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
To get their FILLINGS fixed.
I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.
I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.
If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.
I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"
What did the dentist say to the butt?
"That's the largest cavity I've ever seen!"
Lol making jokes about cancer makes me feel better as a person that had cancer, it’s great!
When I went to the doctor, he pulled his wife in and said, "What do you see?"
I replied, "A fat bitch." He said, "Ok, your eyesight is perfect."
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!
How bad is explosive diarrhea when a Muslim has it? Because my Chipotle blew up yesterday.
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
What is red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
A man comes into the pharmacy to get a flu shot. The pharmacy nurse prepares one of the shots. The man gets the shot, and the nurse cleans the shot area.
The next day, the man comes back and gets another shot. Before he paid, the nurse said, “Don’t you realize if you get another shot you may die from overdose?” The man said, “Don’t you realize if you don’t shut up I’ll give you a shot of lead?” The nurse got scared and quit her job.
The nurse was relaxing, looking for a vacation to book, when all of a sudden she hears an odd noise. It sounds like someone cocking a gun. The man was hiding behind the nurses bushes. “In return for you giving me shots, here are yours,” said the man as he was chuckling like a psycho. The man shot the nurse in the leg so she couldn’t escape, then he shot her left hand, which is the lady’s dominant hand, so she couldn’t call the cops. For the finishing move, the man curb stomped the fucking life out of her until her head was as flat as paper.
9 years later......
All along, this man, this psycho, escaped a mental hospital. He went on mass genocide, killing 20,000 people in just 3 years. This man is more than human, more than alien, more than god himself. It was Satan reborn.
Therapists are rapists in disguise, because "the rapist".