Health jokes

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.

The doctor had an ego so big, it fell into the ocean fast.

What is Ronaldo's favorite fruit?

Oranges because they have vitamin C.

You're so ugly that they faked a whole pandemic just so you can put on a mask to cover that ugly-ass face.

There's a new bird disease, it's called churpies.

It's a canariel disease, untweetable.

How do you get rid of a fat ghost? You exercise it.

Your hairline goes so far back you have to wear sunscreen.

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to wake up sleeping pills.

What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?

One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.

You're so bad at games, bro, they gave you AIDS before losing! 😹

A Make-A-Wish patient wanted to see Black Panther IRL, so I pulled his plug.

When you have erectile dysfunction, it could be expressed as the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

Why is there no medication in Africa?

Because doctors advised, "You don't take it on an empty stomach."

My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?

💪 💪 🏋️‍♂️ What do you get when you cross a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a bukkake slut, and a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a sex worker?

Cum Junkie.

Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.

How does a hillbilly mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son’s dick tastes like blood.

You're so fat, you went on a scale and it said, "One at a time."

What's meaner than a pit bull with AIDS?

The guy that gave it to him.

You're so skinny that you fall.