Health jokes

How does a woman scare their gynecologist?

By becoming a ventriloquist.

What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?

One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.

I asked my mom with cerebral palsy a question.

Still waiting on an answer.

Why is my anus burning?

'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!

If just Africa had more mosquito nets, millions of innocent mosquitoes could be saved from a horrible death of AIDS.

Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.

Yo mama's so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.

What's the most expensive haircut you can get? Chemotherapy.

I poo 11 times a day.

What does a depressed person say when they're happy?

"..."

Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.

My ass itches.

Your mum went to the dentist so she could install Bluetooth.

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?

There's no stage 5.

Touch your toes and hold them. Then spell "run." It will say, "r.u.n."

What's long and hard and has c*m in the middle? Cucumber. What were you thinking?

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.

No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.

The 9/11 and the Spanish flu are kind of similar.

The Spanish flu was a very dangerous flu, and in 9/11, something very dangerous flew.

Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!