Health jokes
My mental health.
What does a doctor do to make you better?
Helium.
If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.
Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.
So I ended up doing the YMCA.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally.
Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
Could it be ligma?
Ligma balls, daddy!
What happens when you eat salmon with Nutella?
You get salmonella.
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
I have more STDs than Hicks has friends at the moment. I only have one.
What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?
(Insulin)
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.
Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.
What are all grandmas infected with? Defiantly not a parasite!
Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!
What do you give a sick bird?
Tweet-ment!
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh for god's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
Never drink tea in school... I give people tea if they've passed out... tea can be nice, but only have it once a day... It's not what you think... It's not tea, it's CPR.