Health jokes
Why is my anus burning?
'Cause I sat on an open lighter, oh god, help!
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
I met a talking lizard. The doctor told me he had ereptile dysfunction! 🦎
Hey, that's the thing my grandpa has. They say that to treat it, I should call him a bitch!
What's long and hard and has c*m in the middle? Cucumber. What were you thinking?
Your mum went to the dentist so she could install Bluetooth.
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?
There's no stage 5.
What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.
What’s worse than a girl getting a period?
A boy getting a period.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I see you, I see you; you would have to work out.
Yo mama so fat, her birth certificate was an apology letter.
The 9/11 and the Spanish flu are kind of similar.
The Spanish flu was a very dangerous flu, and in 9/11, something very dangerous flew.
Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.
No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.
If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.
What’s weaker than a daffodil? Mundy’s ankles.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
Yo mama so fat, she needs 500,000 calories a day to keep her fueled.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally.