Health jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue. I see you, I see you; you would have to work out.
You're so fat you probably apply sunscreen with a paint roller.
What did COVID say to the American?
Nothing, it just took its breath away...
Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
You're an alcoholic!
Ms. Norsworthy's chompers are so big they killed a kid once.
When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table: 25+ kill streak!
What do depression and suicide have in common?
Nothing, they're both hanging.
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
If you feel a lump in your rice, you fucked up.
If you feel a lump in your skin, you have cancer.
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
What’s a guy with Tourette’s favorite app to use? Tiktok.
Get the gun, shoot it up your bum!
What did the leper say to the hooker? "You can keep the tip."
What time is it when you have a toothache?
2:30 (Tooth hurty).
My joke is your life support getting unplugged because my phone is about to die.
How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!