Health jokes
Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?
Because they hate their lives and want to die.
My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
When it's NNN but you have a peanut allergy: 🥳
Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.
Why is there air conditioning at a hospital?
To keep the vegetables cool and fresh.
Yum!
My cousin died last week. He needed a blood transfusion, but we didn't know his blood type. He just kept saying, "B positive, B positive," but it's hard to be positive with him gone.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."
What would be the most heartbreaking scene in a dementia film? I forgor 💀.
What is faster, hot or cold?
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
What’s weaker than a daffodil? Mundy’s ankles.
How do you cure a ginger?
Chemotherapy.
What's red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner?
Same baby, one week later.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
So skinny you have to run around in the shower to get wet.
There are 6 kinds of vitamins. Wanna know how the 6th vitamin was made? Just ask the Ku Klux Klan, they will tell you.
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
If you get an apple a day, what does it give you?
Worms and rotten fruit.
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."