Health jokes
Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.
What do you get if a disabled person falls off a building? Mashed potatoes.
If you turn Down syndrome upside down, do they have Up syndrome now?
Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
If certain diseases spread in water, why does Africa have them?
What is the difference between a feminist and a vegetarian? A vegetarian doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons. However, a feminist doesn't act like a bitch for moral, religious, or health reasons.
What do you tell your butt cheek when you need to use the bathroom? "Hold it in, so you won't get constipated and die."
"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."
What do my balls and emos have in common?
...Nothing, they both hang themselves...
Snow White and the six Dwarfs, Sneezy was caught by covid-19 quarantine!
Erectile dysfunction.
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
This guy in a trench coat walks up to a kid, opens the trench coat and has glasses inside.
He says to the kid, “Hey kid, want some extra-see?”
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
Son: Dad, what are those two huge balloons on mommy's chest?
Dad: I don't see balloons, but I see boobs. I mean, yes, balloons.
Son: Are you sure they're balloons? Yesterday I heard Uncle Frank trying to get a milk dispenser working.
If I was going to the doctor, he asked me to turn around, and he stuck a nettle in my ass.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair.
I have ligma.