Health jokes

Your mum went to the dentist so she could install Bluetooth.

What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer?

There's no stage 5.

What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.

If just Africa had more mosquito nets, millions of innocent mosquitoes could be saved from a horrible death of AIDS.

Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.

What does a depressed person say when they're happy?

"..."

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.

My ass itches.

What’s worse than a girl getting a period?

A boy getting a period.

Yo mama's so stupid, she went to the dentist to get a Bluetooth.

Yo momma so stupid, when someone got cardiac arrest, she tried to put the person to court, and when the judge said "ORDER AT THE COURT," she thought it's a food court and ordered 20 Big Macs and got a heart attack.

Sally had 9 pounds of boobs (9), which was 2 2 many (922), so on the 9th of the month (9229) at 6pm (92296) on 68 street (922968), she went to doctor x to get 6 operations (922968x6) and left her (flip your calculator) boobless.

You're so skinny the world turns to the left!

I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........

What do you call a retard that got hit by a car? Mashed potatoes.

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

Yo mama so fat, her birth certificate was an apology letter.

Doctor: You have cancer.

Patient: Will I survive?

Doctor: Probably not.

Drinking coffee when you're anxious is about as effective as using gasoline to put out a fire, but slurp slurp guess who's an anxious bitch who never learns.

Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.