The 40+ Best Couch Jokes

so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?

I like my couches like my I like my women... Old, used, and big enough to fit 3 men.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

what do you call a lazy gay? someone who comes straight out of the closet,and goes straight to the couch.

I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately...”

Do one day i was sitting on my couch watching youtube when i heard a knock on the door. i opened the door and to my surprise it was my dad. i haven't seen him in 16 years, so i let him in. i noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. then he walked towards me and said "Oh no! i forgot the cereal!" then he walked out the door and drove away. i never saw him again

Named my dog syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I say “get Down syndrome”

A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?

On the COWch (couch)

yo mama so clueless she sat on the tv to watch the couch

Your momma is so dumb she sits on the TV and watches the couch.

my friend " ya mama so stupid she sits on the tv and watches the couch" me " THAT JOKES OLDER THAN YOUR MOM "

What was the drug addict's favorite nursery rhyme? I'm a little crack pot short and stout, put that crack pipe in my mouth, sell my body or sell my couch, get that lighter and smoke me out

Guys I promise I’m not suicidal, I just like dark things. *proceeds to walk around the house with headphones in and stare at the ceiling while laying down on the couch*

Your mama is so fat that when she sat down on the couch for a family picture it was just her.

How do you punish Helen keler just move the couch

One day I was on my phone then I got a text message from my Girl Friend, "Hey Sexy boy wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean..." then I just stopped and froze I read the message I said, "Yeah sure..." she replied really fast, "Theres going to be a few people there ok." but i didn't read the next message... she said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." but i didn't read it I walked into her house but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise and it sounded like HER!! so I hide behind the couch and I looked through the open door and saw somthing I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

Young Couple gets banned from church.

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks.

After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained. "Yes, no problem!"So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question "Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church.

Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me! I took her right there."

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"We understand," says the husband, "We were banned from the grocery store, too."