Health jokes
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
What's at least 6 inches long and goes in your mouth, and it's more fun if it vibrates?
A toothbrush.
Fat people are thirsty, so I piss in their mouth.
What did the doctor say to the Chinese man?
"Some ting wong."
...maybee
My brackets are so high on my teeth, they must be smoking something.
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
Why does my cheating ex-wife wear a colostomy bag? She lost her ass playing poker...
How do you get chewing gum out of a child's hair? Cancer.
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.
If Stephen Hawking is ill, does he go to the doctors or Currys PC World?
Me: Knock, knock.
Other person: Who’s there?
Me: Atch.
Other person: Atch who?
Me: Bless you!
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.
Time heals all wounds. Unless you have AIDS, when time kills you slowly and painfully.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"