Health jokes
You look like a 2020 hologram of COVID-19.
What do you call a homosexual in a coma?
A fruit and a vegetable!
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics.
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
Why was the man running around his bed?
Because he needed to catch up on his sleep!
Man 1: Dude, Viagra is for pussies. Real men don’t need Viagra.
Man 2: I thought Viagra was for dicks?
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
How do you know a vampire's sick? If he's coffin (coughing?)
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
Have you ever heard Stephen Hawking sing?
"Head, shoulders, wheels and frames, wheels and frames!"
What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.
A blonde went to an HIV test. When she came back, she said, “The doctors say that I’m all positive!”
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
What did the chocolate dentist say to the other chocolate dentist? Did you "chip" a tooth?