Health jokes

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.

Two lepers meet on the street.

First says "How are you doing?"

Second says "Mustn't crumble!"

What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?

A pap smear.

What did Lucy say when she saw her sonogram?

"Looks like a rerun."

Why did the stick fall?

Because he is a stick man.

When you get to feel a dick in you, then suck bro, all your stress [goes] out the window.

Sometimes I wish I could use my school scissors on my heart.

But apparently there is something in your heart, so I already have scissors in my heart.

"I know, you have a lot on your plate right now."

I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.

I think the pollen count is a difficult job. Especially if you have hay fever.

Q: What is the most expensive haircut? A: Chemo therapy.

The CCP have managed to achieve in making Covid last longer than the Great Wall of China.

"Parademics are so bad, yo mama can't stop!"

Parademic

What do you give a sick lemon?

Lemon-aid.

I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.

I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.

Your bitch has Covid-19.

Your mama is so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.

Yo mama so tall, she eats paramedics.