Health jokes
I never get off on the wrong foot.
What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Putting her back in the wheelchair when you're done.
Yo mama is so fat that her wheelchair had to be made into a couch!
What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight?
Slim Shady.
Yo mama so stupid, she went to Dr. Pepper for a check up.
What sandwich spread makes people itch?
Flea-nut butter.
Your mama is so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.
When is a cold not a cold?
Kid: I got homework.
Mom: Ok, so?
Kid: I got a F in my balls.
This is how to die soft 101.
Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?
I got something long stuck inside me last night, dammit, that needle hurt.
I want to make a joke about old age, but I'm too senile to finish it.
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!
Did you know one of the singers of YMCA had AIDS? Y-M-C-AIDS.
"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."
Where can you donate an aborted fetus?
Your local pizzeria.
What do you call a notorious special needs student with an extra chromosome?
The double trouble.
You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.