Health jokes
One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
What do you call a pool full of retards?
Vegetable soup.
Why does Trump "not" wear glasses? Because he's got 20/20 vision!
Why can’t Sally get a hair cut? She has cancer.
Memes
Doctor: I'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left.
Man: What?! What about my family?! My son is still missing! I can't just leave like that!
Doctor: Don't worry sir, I told your family.
Man: That's... great... if they found my son, tell them that I love him more than anything and I couldn't keep that promise.
The doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes.
Doctor: I will... dad...
Tq for reading my crappy joke.
What do you get from childhood drama? A ginger with autism.
What is the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your whole day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.
Laila has 69 boobs, but that is 222 too many. One day, she went on 51st Street to meet Dr. X, who ate all her boobs, and now she's boobless :)
6922251 x 8 = 55378008. Put the calculator upside down.
One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.
I want diabetes so I can drink loads of Coke. - Louie Fennell 2018
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
Why did the poop cross the street? Because it was trying to get in the toilet.
If an athlete gets athlete's foot... What does an astronaut get? Mistletoe!
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.
You also can't breathe if you die.
So why isn't it debreathiation?
What do women and moldy bread have in common?
A yeast infection.
After a long labor, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first, doctor.”
The doctor replies, “Well, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to have to tell you, your child has red hair.”
Relieved, a smile spreads across the mother’s face. “Doctor, if that’s the bad news, what’s the good news?” The doctor replies, “He’s dead.”
What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.
Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.
Light it up blue 🔵