Health jokes
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
What's autism! My name is Dee Snutz!
My wife caught me fucking our daughter. I don't know what she found worse: the fact I was fucking our daughter, or that the clinic gave me the fetus.
If you need to squint to read this...
You probably need glasses.
One day I saw my friend in a hospital bed. He told me to call 911. Instead, I called his parents.
How do you get a hippie chick pregnant?
You cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
What do you call a pool full of retards?
Vegetable soup.
Why does Trump "not" wear glasses? Because he's got 20/20 vision!
Why can’t Sally get a hair cut? She has cancer.
Doctor: I'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left.
Man: What?! What about my family?! My son is still missing! I can't just leave like that!
Doctor: Don't worry sir, I told your family.
Man: That's... great... if they found my son, tell them that I love him more than anything and I couldn't keep that promise.
The doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes.
Doctor: I will... dad...
Tq for reading my crappy joke.
What do you get from childhood drama? A ginger with autism.
What is the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your whole day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
If an athlete gets athlete's foot... What does an astronaut get? Mistletoe!
One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.
I want diabetes so I can drink loads of Coke. - Louie Fennell 2018
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
Why did the poop cross the street? Because it was trying to get in the toilet.
If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.
You also can't breathe if you die.
So why isn't it debreathiation?
What do women and moldy bread have in common?
A yeast infection.