Person: My left ear is ringing.
Friend: Then answer it!
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
But you could get plastic surgery and look 20 years younger. With that, no one will suspect you!
For sale: Wheelchair, one careful owner, no longer needed.
Why is he called Stephen Hawking?
Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.
Rory Burrows is dyslexic.
When you wear a big hat and your butt starts to splat diarrhea!
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
Have you met Bofa?
Bofa deez blind kids!
I thought you were just raising your eyebrow, but I checked the x-ray, and your skull shifted 128 degrees to the right.
Back bent.
Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.
He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.
Most of his Taliban friends have more wives than teeth.
Alles tut weh.
A monkey eats cheese. He was lactose intolerant.
Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last as long for fat people.
Two lepers meet on the street.
First says "How are you doing?"
Second says "Mustn't crumble!"
Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.
Less depresso, more espresso, I'm still depressed, but now I'm fast.
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
The amputee: -_-
