Health jokes
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What's the difference to a kamikaze and bin Ladin?
Bin Ladin survived when he went into a building. I have aids.
I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
You know what they say: "Location, location, location." So my dad stuck a thermometer up his butt, and now he has degrees.
I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.
Carys’s mum has chemo.
Lol, I switched out my friend's leukemia medication for mercury.
Like and comment if you get it!
My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she is also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.
I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.
I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?
They will never grow up.
If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.
You also can't breathe if you die.
So why isn't it debreathiation?
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
What do you call a frozen Band-Aid?
Cool-Aid!
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"