Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
Why do people shake cigarette boxes?
To wake up the cancer.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
Yo mama is so fat that you should really take care of her because diabetes is a serious problem and she might die.
What do you call a person whose heart stopped?
Dead.
I told my doctor I was experiencing some back pain. He told me to smoke some weed because I had chronic back pain.
Mikey don't clean his foreskin dude straight gay.
Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.
Why did the carrot roll down the hill?
Because he couldn't stop his wheelchair.
These are ear-retcal jokes...
Fail.
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer.
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
What do you call a restaurant that sells food that contains weed?
McBongald's.
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he's hooked up to? The computer runs.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
