Health jokes

What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!

I wake up in the morning and I suck my teeth.

What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?

Babies are healthier.

Why did the skeleton eat tacos?

Because he was hungry.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?

Because the "p" is silent.

A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"

Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.

Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye

Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?

A: "Oops, I got your nose!"

Q: What is the hardest part of a vegetable to swallow?

A: A wheelchair.

I have no legs.

There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?

(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)

Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

What's the difference between anal and oral?

Oral makes your day whereas anal makes your whole weak.

So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."

Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?

Her dog was blind, too.

As a doctor myself, that nurse was very slow, she tested my patience!

What do you call it when a lizard can’t get a boner?

Ereptile Dysfunction!

Lung story short... ahqhahahah!

I heard you were looking for a stud. I have the STD, and all I need is U.

How do you make a baby float?

You take your foot off its head.

Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.