Health jokes
Five little monkeys jumping on a bed, one fell off and bumped his head.
Mummy called the doctor and the doctor said, "I'm gay!"
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
Alzheimer's protesters march chanting. "What do we want? Better treatment... When do we want it? ...Want what?"
Why do cheetahs have spots? Chicken pox.
Cancer?
Cancer
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"
Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
I wake up in the morning and I suck my teeth.
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
Why did the skeleton eat tacos?
Because he was hungry.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
A child asks his father, "How do you get pink eye?"
Son, I was told it’s from scratching your butt, then rubbing your eyes.
Then the son asks, "How did I get Fungi?" As the father was about to answer, the boy says, "Ohh, so is it from scratching my stinky feet, then rubbing my eye?" ———-Fungeye
Q: What did the little girl say to her leper daddy?
A: "Oops, I got your nose!"
Q: What is the hardest part of a vegetable to swallow?
A: A wheelchair.
I have no legs.
There was a doctor's room filled with 20 women, 4 kids, 15 men, and 1 dog. However, there were forty foreheads. How is this possible?
(They will think 44 heads, not 40 foreheads.)
Because there are 40 foreheads, not 44 heads.