Health jokes
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them, haha!
How do you help a constipated person?
You scare the shit out of them!
Why are people joking about this stuff?
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
Five little monkeys jumping on a bed, one fell off and bumped his head.
Mummy called the doctor and the doctor said, "I'm gay!"
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
Post Malone was in the hospital, but he is BETTER NOW.
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”
Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
Alzheimer's protesters march chanting. "What do we want? Better treatment... When do we want it? ...Want what?"
Why do cheetahs have spots? Chicken pox.
Cancer?
Cancer
There was a woman named Sally. She loved to have sex with other people. One time, she had sex with me. I noticed her bra size was 69 (+69). That is fucking big!
Ok, then when her partner was pissing, he told her she should call the doctor. So she dialed 2063512000 (+2000) and called the doctor. The office was on 51st street ave NE (+51). Holy shit, the doctor said! The boots were so big that she had to take 8 pills (x 8). The next morning, she was ________.
69 + 51 + 2000 x 8 = 16120
58008 (flip calculator)
Boobless.
Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"
Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"
What did one poop say to the other poop? What's the matter? You look flushed!
I wake up in the morning and I suck my teeth.
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
Why did the skeleton eat tacos?
Because he was hungry.
Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.