Health jokes
My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she is also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.
I talked to your doctor. He said you wasn’t going to make it because your stretch marks look like pieces of bacon.
I went to the doctor because I had a steering wheel in my pants, and it was driving me nuts.
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?
They will never grow up.
If you cut off your head, you can't breathe.
You also can't breathe if you die.
So why isn't it debreathiation?
Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE!
Doctor: Sit down for a minute.
What do you call a frozen Band-Aid?
Cool-Aid!
What happened when the American broke his arm?
He went broke.
Yo mama eat so much that she threw up a thousand times and said, "Help me, son!"
Wanna hear a joke? You need some milk.
Have you ever met a kid who’s so fat that they can’t even be accepted to “My 600lb Life”? They need a higher-ranking one!
Who's climbing the tree?..... Not Sarah.
Who is in hospital?.... Sarah.
When you're exercising and you feel the “gush.”
Knock knock!!
Who's there??
Dishwasher!!
Dishwasher who??
Dishwasher way i used to talk when i got my head kicked in!
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them, haha!
How do you help a constipated person?
You scare the shit out of them!
Why are people joking about this stuff?
What medicine do you take when your butt hurts?
Answer: Assprin.
Five little monkeys jumping on a bed, one fell off and bumped his head.
Mummy called the doctor and the doctor said, "I'm gay!"