Health jokes
Q: Why did Billy drop his ice cream cone?
A: He has turrets.
Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.
The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!
Named my dog Syndrome, so when he sits on my couch I can say, “Get down, Syndrome!”
How much do the bones in your body weigh?
A skele-ton!
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
A man came running into a hospital saying, "Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know I amputated your arms!"
Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid.
A man walks into a bar. The corrections officer says, "Usually we open the cell before you go in, now stop bleeding on my floor!"
Total gym.
Don't drink and park.
Accidents cause people.
An obese kid farts.
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?
They both have an expiry date.
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
Have you heard of the man who got all his left side chopped off?
He was all right.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What's the difference to a kamikaze and bin Ladin?
Bin Ladin survived when he went into a building. I have aids.
I complimented my neighbor's skeleton decoration for Halloween, but they just told me that it's their anorexic daughter.
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.