Health jokes
Did you hear about the guy who got his entire left side cut off? Well, he's dead.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"
Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dyslexic.
Dyslexic who?
You.
When you have a bladder infection,
You're in trouble. 😜
My syndrome is down, but my hopes are up.
So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?
"Guess what my wife left in the freezer?"
"Her miscarriage."
I don't get why cancer is so hard to beat. I'm already on stage 4.
A skeleton walks into a bar and said it takes "backbone" to mess with me, and if you try to insult me, I have thick skin.
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
AIDS?
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Yeah, he's all right now.
What do you call a dinosaur that can’t eat?
Anarexic.
What's harder than taking a shit?
Trying to take a shit while constipated!
It ain't always easy having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.