I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
Health Jokes
Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...
It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.
I respect cancer more than I respect depression.
At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.
My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
Adin, you should consider eating pencil lead, you fat cat lover, only if you're the new Adin from FF though xoxo da babby.
Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.
Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he was losing his patients.
How did the dude with epilepsy win the break dancing competition?
He saw flashing lights.
*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?
girl: Are you saying I'm fat?
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat cancer.
Q: What's the difference between a computer and an abortion clinic? A: Ctrl+Alt+Delete
What's the definition of disgusting?
Sticking 5 oysters up your grandmother and sucking 6 out!
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”
Man: “Am I dying?”
Doctor: “No, your wife is.”
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.
"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.
"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"
Yesterday a woman stabbed me, so I stabbed her back. Then I realized she was the vaccine woman.
Your mum is so fat that when she sat on the toilet, she couldn't because her fat ass can't fit on the toilet seat.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
