Health jokes

Dear doctor,

I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?

Yours Truly, Ray Palp

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"

My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair smoking weed?

A baked potato.

I'm sick of crying; tired of trying; yes, I'm still smiling; inside I'm dying.

God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"

You're an alcoholic!

If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.

What did the old chimney say to the young chimney?

"You're too young to smoke!"

That's not even a bad joke-

What do you need an apple because you got an "izzy?"

Your mom is SOO stupid, she was studying for a COVID test.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

My mom told me to be positive...

I was heading to an HIV test.

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

My mother told me to be positive, but she said that when I was going to do an AIDS test.