I didn’t eat breakfast because I’m starving myself.
When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good, but he says that he doesn't taste anything.
I'm stumped.
Bro, you teeth are so yellow that you can't brush your teeth.
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
I have no toes, so I put blood on my foot, and then my other foot got run over, so, ye.
Dad: What time do u wanna go to the dentist? Daughter: *tooth hurty* Dad: all right
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.
What do kids call a balanced meal?
A hamburger in each hand! XD XD XD XD
My dad told me a story today. His mom, my grandma, said if a bird gets in your house, someone will die.
That day, a hummingbird got in his UPS truck, and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer. 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later, she died. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
Q: Gaining weight is gonna be a piece of cake.
What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?
My heartbeat.
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
RICK: GUESS WHAT GUESS WHAT OH GUESS WHAT MOTHERFUCKER OR IMMA SAY IT!!!!!!
Richard: What????
Rick: So before Donald Trump's impeachment, he said, "The Coronavirus will end on March 32nd 2021."
Richard: Your from planet Earth where there's a March 32nd. Enjoy it, *stupid dumb fuck brother*.
Rick: Oh I will.
*It was the day March 21st*
*9 Days later*
*March 31st*
Rick: oh I cant wait until tomorrow!!!!!!!!!! Ooh im so excited im gonna give my friends a big ole bro hug and hand shake i miss the muhfuckin dudes man
*one day later*
*He got his school uniform waiting for the bus not seeing it*
Rick:....... wai......Huh!?!?...... hol....up
BITCH IM AND IDIOT THERE IS NO MOTHERFUCKING MARCH 32ND THIS IS THE MOTHERFUCKING 1ST OF APRIL TRUMP DUMBASS
*Richard*
*oh he's the dumbass*
Where do depressed people go to eat?
Suicide Sonic.
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
Why did the Mexican take the tamale to the hospital?
Tamlito.
