God jokes

God, I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.

Why did Saturn have rings?

Because God liked it so he put a ring on it.

Why did the sun go to church?

Because it needs Jesus.

God.

Sans: haha... Paps: what? Sans: i KNEW it was gonna rain today. Paps: that's nearly impossible, how? Sans: i could feel it in my bo- Paps: OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What's God's favorite Michael Jackson song? The Earth Song. 😍😍😍

God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.

A man was almost about to drown. A boat said, "Do you need help?" And he said no.

After the boat left, another boat came to the sea, and they asked if he needed help, and he said no.

And he asked God, "Why didn't you help me?"

God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"

Me: (Jaiden) Why are you crying? Do you know where your parents are?

Orphan: *Sobs* "No."

God, I love working at an orphanage!

God said, "Let there be light," and it was lit!

A friend of mine chews gum, lays back to yawn, then chokes on the gum. Then I said, "God, what, you choking on dick?"

A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.

The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."

Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.

The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,

"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."

At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"

Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.

The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."

FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS

Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.

Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First.

Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes.

Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player.

Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze.

Oh God By Dixie Rect.

Please Don't Stop By Craven Moorehead.

Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous.

Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang.

How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus.

Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry.

The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers.

I’m a god, and I’m here to flex on you bitches. My flight to New York on September 11th was rocky, but I lived.

Imagine dying on a plane, fr. At least try and respawn:/

Yo mama's hairline is so god damn far back even Joe Biden wouldn't sniff it.

Me, Joe Biden: What do you mean *snifff*

From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.

My name shows it all if you can't see, IDC AT ALL, you can ban me.

But let me tell you one thing, Without God, Isr-el is nothing.

So let me say it again, one last time, Free Free Palestine!

POV: Orphans rule the world.

God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.

The orphan: Waaaaaa!

God, aka Mr. Universe said he was God's gift to this earth, but where is he?

Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.

How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?

God fucked her.