Light Jokes

Light
in Puns

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

cynthia
in Nun

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” “Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”

“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender, “Would you like a drink?” “No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.

“You see,” laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?"

8
dirty night clown

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

Anonymous

What do you call a candle in armor?

A knight light

Anonymous

How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?

Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.

7
Anonymous

What did one traffic light say to the other. Stop looking I am changing

Anonymous
in Puns

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

5
Jeff
in Stupid

did you hear about the light bulb party— yeah it was pretty lit!

Anonymous
in Stupid jokes

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? – Just Juan.

4
Anonymous

Never buy a epileptic kid light up sketchers

Anonymous

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? – One. They are efficient and don’t have humor.

0
Limping Idiot 143
in Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.

Anonymous

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, “What are you going to do now?”

God said, “I think I’m going to call it a day.”

0
Anonymous

Best way to stop a fight between deaf people? Just turn off the Lights

Anonymous
in Christmas

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. – I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

1
Anonymous
in Anti

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Anonymous
in Programming

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

I encountered a milf at a bar last night although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

“have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?”

I said, “Nope, not yet”.

She drank a little more, and said, “well, darling, tonight is your lucky night.”

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys

opens her door

turn on the light

and she yells towards upstairs

"Mom, are you still awake?”

Hahahomo

What’s the difference between a hamster and a cigarette? They’re both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire

Anonymous
in Orphan

How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None they don’t even got a home