Puns

Light

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

Man

cynthia

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.” “Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”

“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender, “Would you like a drink?” “No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.

“You see,” laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?"

Party

Anonymous

How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?

Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.

Dad

dirty night clown

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

Knight

Anonymous

What do you call a candle in armor?

A knight light

Change

Anonymous

What did one traffic light say to the other. Stop looking I am changing

Kid

Anonymous

Never buy a epileptic kid light up sketchers

Darkness

Limping Idiot 143

Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.

Change

Anonymous

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? – Just Juan.

Puns

Anonymous

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Puns

Anonymous

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

German

Anonymous

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? – One. They are efficient and don’t have humor.

Darkness

Anonymous

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, “What are you going to do now?”

God said, “I think I’m going to call it a day.”

Difference

Anonymous

What’s the difference between light and hard?

It’s easy to get to sleep with a light on.

Party

Jeff

did you hear about the light bulb party— yeah it was pretty lit!

Darkness

Anonymous

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

People

Anonymous

Best way to stop a fight between deaf people? Just turn off the Lights

Difference

Anonymous

What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb

You can’t unscrew a pregnant woman

What’s a similarity between a broken lightbulb, and a pregnant woman

They’re both accidents

Puns

Anonymous

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. – I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

Puns

Talory

What did the green light say to the red light - don’t look I’m changing

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