Light Jokes

Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?"

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

What do you call a candle in armor?

A knight light

How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?

Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.

What did one traffic light say to the other. Stop looking I am changing

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? -- Just Juan.

Never buy a epileptic kid light up sketchers

did you hear about the light bulb party--- yeah it was pretty lit!

Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on, not because he is afraid of the darkness, but because the darkness is afraid of him.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"

God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."

Best way to stop a fight between deaf people? Just turn off the Lights

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. -- I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb? - None, they declare darkness to be the new standard.

i told the emo girl that i bet shes jealous of the hanging lights in the gym

I encountered a milf at a bar last night although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

we were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

then, she asked me flirtatiously

"have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?"

I said, "Nope, not yet".

She drank a little more, and said, "well, darling, tonight is your lucky night."

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys

opens her door

turn on the light

and she yells towards upstairs

"Mom, are you still awake？”

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.