God jokes

Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.

"When God sends me to hell... I want him to hesitate." -Techno

Do you love God?

When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"

The fool says in his brain, "There is a god."

When God said, "Let there be light," he got blinded because you reflected it off your forehead.

Have you seen my uncle?

Jesus: I have.

God: Me too.

Your forehead is big. God said dude that's bigger than me and I'm infinitely big!

Eminem: "He don't even know his own father." Orphans: Dang, wish I could listen to that. Eminem: At least you have a rap God to call father.

Mom said drugs are my enemies. God said love your enemies. What do I tell her?

One random YouTube comment in 2018: "Soon, a virus will come to Earth."

A year later: "Pahahahahah that comment is fake lmaoooo ahahahha!"

Another year later: "Time to die a painful death."

Another year later: "God has come with the cure!"

When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"

Yo mama so fat even God could not lift her spirits.

Your hairline so bad even God says, "Aaaaahhhh!"

My first thought when I read Betty Pear's obituary was, "Thank God for Alzheimer's!"

After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.

"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest.

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Well, next I can become Bishop," said the Priest.

"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.

"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop," said the Priest.

"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated, replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."

"And then?" asked the Rabbi.

The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."

"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.

"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"

"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"

From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free.

My name shows it all if you can't see, IDC AT ALL, you can ban me.

But let me tell you one thing, Without God, Isr-el is nothing.

So let me say it again, one last time, Free Free Palestine!

Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.

I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.

Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.

How do we get a butt? God made us like that, and we can't change it. If you wanted to, you have to die <: