God jokes
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
God, aka Mr. Universe said he was God's gift to this earth, but where is he?
If I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn because they are Beautiful, Majestic, Sparkly, Bright, Gods. They create Joy and Happiness everywhere they go.
Unicorns made my life better when I got to know them more. ^-^ They filled my life with more Happiness. I believe in the Unicorns, and they'll believe in me. I am not a Unicorn, although I am the Princess of the Unicorn Land, but if I could be any creature, I would be a Unicorn! :P
If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?
God fucked her.
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.
“Mom, why did God make me like this?” he said.
“It’s because God made you special,” she said.
“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”
What did the tomato say to the empty ketchup bottle? "GOD STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
Why did Saturn have rings?
Because God liked it so he put a ring on it.
I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.
God sent a kid to the principal's office for giving a blind kid sunglasses and said, "Don't let the sun damage your eyes!"
So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.
My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"
"Islam it is."
Why do orphans like to go to church?
Because they actually have a father there.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
Yo mama so FAT... I tried to picture her in my head... AND SHE BROKE MY GOD DAMN NECK!
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”