Go jokes

I was going to tell an Asian joke, but it's too Wong.

Is your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go wayyyy back?

I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn't like it.

I bet most of these mfs are white or not Mexican, lmao. Y'all really going at it with these jokes 😐

Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."

Where did Holly go during the bombing?

Everywhere.

How does an orange 🍊 go into a crowded restaurant?

By squeezing his way in.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

What do you call a bus going backwards? A sub.

Name something an orphan can't do?

Go cry to their mommy.

Q: Where did Helen Keller go to school?

A: Anywhere she was homeschooled.

Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.

Don't go to ghostposter.com. The person or persons who run that site are a fucking bunch if dumb fucking cunts who can suck my big cock.

Today we had the best adventure ever! We started playing in the yard and doing ramps in a party van!

It all started when Timmy and I were playing in the yard and a white rusty van drove up to our yard. A nice man told us to get in. We said we would love to go, but our mommies wouldn't want us to go. The man said your mommies told me it was OK to come.

We hopped in the back and sped away super fast! The man gave us some candy, but Timmy and I were not hungry, so we didn't eat it. We saved it for later. After a while, I was wondering where we were going. I was about to ask the man, but then there was a whooping sound and some flashing blue lights! "Hey they want to party with us!" Timmy yelled over the whooping. "Party van!" I yelled.

Timmy and I started dancing and whooping and the van began driving faster, doing crazy race car stunts, and jumps! Then we noticed the lights and whooping were coming from some cars that were following us. The cars were black and white and said "P O L I C E” on the side.

We started to wave to them, but then the van did a HUGE jump and we flew out of the back of the van to the side of the road into some dirt, but it didn't really hurt that much. The van drove off without us, and I was really sad. Then Timmy told me the dirt was perfect for making mud pies. I was happy again. We played in the dirt awhile, until some people dressed like firefighters found us and brought us home. And then you asked me what happened. "Isn’t that right mommy?"

What did one candle say to the other?

"Want to go out tonight?"

So my sis thinks she's so smart. She said, "You can finish this move ten minutes later. Go to sleep."

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

What’s the bravest thing a man can do?

Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.