A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.
So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none, they both go up in flames.
The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."
how it started
The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets, until it's too light to light.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"
The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.
I found a lot of matches.
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was flaming hot wings.
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.
You must be a Charmander. Because you’re making me hot.
Pokemon.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.
But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...
What did one candle say to the other?
"Want to go out tonight?"
Cremation, the last chance to have a smoking hot body.
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
Why did the dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot dog!
