Flame jokes

What did one candle say to the other?

"Want to go out tonight?"

I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.

Why do candles like birthdays?

Because they can get lit!

A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"

The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."

"FUCK FUCK FUCK MY CLOTHES CAUGHT THE FLAME OH MY GOD IT BURNS SO MUCH!"

Cremation, the last chance to have a smoking hot body.

You must be a Charmander. Because you’re making me hot.

Pokemon.

Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree, and so she could live forever.

But I'm not gonna lie, it was a nice toasty fire...

I don't usually make 9/11 jokes. They always go down in flames.

The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was flaming hot wings.

I went on a dating site looking for arsonists.

I found a lot of matches.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.

Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?

They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times? He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.

Why did the dog go into the fire?

Because it wanted to be a hot dog!

A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

“It’s really not your day, is it?”

The match: "Ur my match." The thighs: "You light me up."

Therapist: And what is it about this generation that bothers you?

Satan: I give them the intro tour and they just say shit like "ooo spooky lol."

Therapist: That's not so bad.

Satan: When I showed one girl the pit of everlasting flame, she sighed and said "big mood."

What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?

There is none, they both go up in flames.