What do you call a retard in a house fire?
Flame Retardant
The match: Ur my match The thighs: you light me up
The more I light my lighter, the lighter my lighter gets, until its too light to light.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life
I went on a dating site looking for arsonists
I found a lot of matches
What does fire and people have in common A: they will both eventually die out
You must be a Charmander. Because you’re making me hot.
Pokemon
Grandma told me that when she passed away she wants to be a tree and so she could live forever.
But it I'm not gonna lie it was a nice toasty fire...
Cremation, the last chance to have a smoking hot body.
Why did the dog go into the fire?
Because it wanted to be a hot dog
Why do they call matches, matches?
They all look the same.
Why do candles 🕯 like birthdays?
Because they can get lit.
I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant. So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!
What's the difference in Japanese Kamikaze and 9/11?
There is none they both go up in flames.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge”.
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
The twin towers ordered a pepperoni pizza but all they got was flaming hot wings
I don't usually make 9/11 jokes. They always go down in flames.
I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames
An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrement
The person living there points and says, "begone fowl blood-drinker"
And promptly the preacher bursts into flames leaving nothing but ash.
Why did the little boy cross the road multiple times?
He stepped on an IED after being mutilated on a chopping block that was on fire with a table saw and multiple gallows which were infested with flaming termites with splotches of blood all over him from his eyes after they were squashed with a brick.
