Ocean jokes
How do you clean the ocean?
With tide!
Why didn't the boy want to read "2000 Leagues Under the Sea"?
It was too much pressure.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
Did you know the pool in the Titanic is still full?
Titanic was sinking.
Passenger: "How far are we from land?"
Captain: "Two miles."
Passenger: "Which direction?"
Captain: "Down."
Last night, I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.
The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.
The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"
What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.
If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea.
Imagine if hitting the iceberg wasn't an accident and it was all just the sailors' fault like this:
Sailor 1: Hey Ron. Sailor 2: Yeah? Sailor 1: You see that iceberg over there? Sailor 2: Yeah. Sailor 1: You know what would be pretty funny?
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.
I have a fish that can breakdance only for 20 seconds, and he can only do it once.
What did the fish get on his math test?
A sea plus.
Why are vaginas and the Mariana Trench similar? Lots of seamen go missing there.
Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were stuck on an island, and the closest populated island was 100km away. So in turn, they try to swim to the island. The brunette swims 10 km then drowns. The redhead swims 30 km then drowns. The blonde swims 50 km then gets tired so she swims back.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.