I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
I had a party the other day. I made sure there were vegan options. They make do or fuck off.
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"
Dad said, "It is, Son."
Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"
If you're seeing this, this is your sign to go fuck yourself.
I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!
Poop is yummy, fuck!
Have you ever heard of sex? Because you just got fucked.
Why the fuck is this guy calling me a crying bitch?
TAOST, you didn't submit it, you fuck!
A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"
Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?
Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.
What did Warner Brothers get for making that horrible Joker sequel?
They got what they fucking deserved!!!!!!!!
I wasn't going to tell another rape joke but fuck it.
What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?
You can't fuck a rock.
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?
A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
Why are all these pathetic jokes about school shootings?😒 You all are so fucking pathetic... Humanity is officially gone, stupid bitches...
What's the difference between depression and a girl?
XXXTentacion can't seem to beat depression.
Hi everyone that is mean to freshfry, Addison Banks, Drew, watersharky, Gwen, and jk master, fucking get off this site, bullies! I love everyone here except the bullies!
Have you ever tried sex when camping?
It's f***ing intense.
