Fucking Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:

“Jfc ****, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to god you’re so fucking bougie.” (Pause) “Oh I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan...” “Jeff who?” “Bezos.”

A no legged manager runs the nearest pizza place called Your Pizza Is A Joke.

I (J0K35) worked there and this happened...

Manager: WHY ARE THE PINEAPPLES IN THE TRASH?!

Me: Because nobody eats fucking pineapple pizza

Manager: THATS IT! IM KICKING YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE

Me: You can't kick me out

Manager: Why not? Huh?

Me: Because you need legs to kick, and you don't have any.

Me: I been up all night, no sleep—

The lie detector I didn’t know I had: lie.

Me: stfu! I’m just singing!

Lie detector: you literally listen to music all the time... you almost don’t even sleep!

Me: THEN WHY THE FUCK DID TOU SAY IT’S A LIE, WHEN I SAID I DIDN’T SLEEP?!

lie detector: it’s 3:00 AM in 8 minutes, you usually close your eyes to sleep when it’s 5:00 AM....... You get waken up at 7:00 AM...... you only sleep two hours......

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What do you call a deer with no eyes no legs and no balls. Still no fucking eye deer

I asked my nan if she wouldnt mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping, she replied why the fuck would i want to sit in a bucket, so eventually she did and i took the best shit i have ever had

Fuck jk

Fucking Fruit

imagine calling a dragon fucking dewi

A man walked into a bar with a ak-47 with 50 round mag and yelled out who the fuck fucked my wife, everyone was quiet. one man at the back stood up and called, sorry mate but i dont think you have enough bullets.