You know what really gets me under my skin when I'm down? Sharpener blades.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
Two friends who've been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday.
The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, "If she doesn't like the card I got her, then she can go fuck herself!"
I can't stand being in a wheelchair.
I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.
Cannibal (n.) Someone who is fed up with people.
if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don't forget that they can hide but they cant run.
Maths...
....Addition, frustration, subtraction, aggression, depression.
Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.
My attitude doesn’t have to be the only reason I yell and roll my eyes in the back of my head
I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”
I hated church growing up as a child. It was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!
when you get mad just punch a orphan who are they going to tell their mom
dont you just hate when you have to eat cereal with water cause your dad wont bring the fucking milk? cuase same
Video games don't make people violent, lag does.
My new leaf blower doesn't work. It Sucks.
Look, Bono is a great guy. But shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.
Why did the doctor get mad
Because he was losing he's patients
Why did the emo kid get mad? I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.