Fucking jokes

One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.

What did Satin say to God??

"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"

Why do orphans like fucking other dads?

Because they get to have a daddy.

I fucked a wall.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-

Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.

When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.

I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia.

So I ended up doing the YMCA.

Stephen could not click the "I'm not a robot" button, so I guess he is fucked.

Egg shaped, dome, bowling ball lookin' ass, bald fuck with that 360 degrees ahh head, motherfucker look like a damn balloon.

Call me Kobe 'cause I'm finna use your head as a basketball and throw it at yo' parents. Mr. Clean, bootleg Saitama lookin' ass mfer. No hair? :(

Does that neverending forehead of yours go all the way to Mars, holy fucking shit?

Bully: Shut up, motherfucker!

Me: Well, stop talking to me and I won't have to keep fucking your mother.

What do Boy Scouts and IG models have in common?

They both be fucking sugar daddies.

A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"

A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"

Dad said, "It is, Son."

Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"

Poop is yummy, fuck!

What does the mom (or terrorists, fuck that) say for the (twin) towers to eat?

Open wide, here comes the plane!

Stan says shut the f**k up or sit your ass down on that b***h chair!