I saw a girl at my job and we ended up fucking, then the test came back and I have hives from my sister.
Fucking Jokes
My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction, do you?"
I said, "Where the fuck did that come from?!"
Fuck people who are bigger than me physically, emotionally, mentally, economically, and socially.
Have you ever heard of sex? Because you just got fucked.
"Ahoy, Spongebob! I just committed homicide in Syria, and the one-party state is after my fucking ass! Argagagagagaga!"
Stan says shut the f**k up or sit your ass down on that b***h chair!
Poop is yummy, fuck!
What does the mom (or terrorists, fuck that) say for the (twin) towers to eat?
Open wide, here comes the plane!
Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."
My birthday's on September 11th, I'm gonna turn the fuck up and throw a banger! Then rub my tits in birthday cake frosting!!! WOOOOOOOOO!
A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"
Dad said, "It is, Son."
Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"
Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?
Me: Hell yeah.
Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?
Both: FUCK YEAH!
Dino nuggets are kinda hot. Also, I want to fuck the brown M&M.
What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourself!
My bad, I kick me bad in if balls, and he got so fucking mad.
Me: I have a dream.
Mom: What?
Me: For you to fucking shut up.
If I fantasize about fucking a UCP Cabinet Minister,
Does that mean I'm sexually Conservative?
Your forehead is so fucking big, I had to call an Uber to get across the eyebrows to your hairline.
I know it's bad, sorry.
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
What do you call a fucked up mullet? A fullet.
