Fucking jokes

Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?

My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.

Fuck me.

"The f*** am I even doing here?"

"I will kill you with knife and gun, get ready, Explain Bear, stupid f***."

My respect for you didn't just go through the roof, it touched the fucking sun!

Fuck clankers. Wait, not like that.

I pulled my kid out of school after a woke teacher taught my six-year-old about pronouns! Yesterday, it was "he/she," today, "they/it," tomorrow, "I/you/we!"

A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

What did Warner Brothers get for making that horrible Joker sequel?

They got what they fucking deserved!!!!!!!!

Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?

Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.

TAOST, you didn't submit it, you fuck!

Why the fuck is this guy calling me a crying bitch?

symple: Why did you include me in this fuckery?

symple: And why the fuck am I the profile picture?

angela: Because you are the thot of the group.

symple: Well it takes one to know one.

symple: Aren't Thot jokes just "whore'able?"

angela: FUCK OFF!

Go fuck yourself!

When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.

Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.

A young 38 year old happy Muslim migrant living in Sydney wants to wed a beautiful young bride. He asks the local Aussie the minimum age to wed his yet unchosen bride. "Eighteen," the Aussie says, sipping a beer. "She has to be Eighteen."

Okay, the Muslim man sighed, with disappointment and walks off. Next day he arrives with a 13 year old girl.

"Wtf are you doing?" Aussie says?

"You say this is okay," Muslim replied. "Fuck no, she must be at least Eighteen you sick bastard," says Aussie, flicking away his Winnie Blue cigarette. Muslim man leaves angrily.

Next day Happy Muslim settles on a 14 year old girl from Punchbowl to be his bride. Aussies jaw drops, "What is wrong with you mate?" asks Aussie.

Muslim man replies "You tell me to choose 'a teen', 'a teen', I chose a teen and now you come for my third and now fourth choice. Fuck you!"

Aussie: "Eighteen not 'a teen' you sick mongrel."

What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?

You can't fuck a rock.

Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis?

A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.