Fucking jokes
I will never forget my mother and father's last words.
"Where the Sam hell did you get a grenade?"
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
Yo mama so fat.
In Super Mario Galaxy, she was a fucking planet!
Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?
Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.
What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
Lil Nas X is so gay, I would fuck him in the Old Town Road.
I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.
A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"
"History's repeating itself. WWIII is coming, and the second Russia nukes the U.S., they're all getting fucked."
No one gives a fuck.
What happens when you throw water on Stephen Hawking?
He says, "Oh fuck fuck fuck!"
Why is the sinking of Titanic different to sinking rapboat?
Titanic sinking was a tragedy, rapboat sinking is fucking funny.
(Me) Hey bro, tell me a joke!
(My friend) Your mom. *Starts Laughing*
(Me) *Fakes laughs* *then points a gun at him*
At this moment, he knew he fucked up.
You are all fucking disgusting!
What do dino nuggies and the brown M&M have in common?
I want to fuck them both.
Does that neverending forehead of yours go all the way to Mars, holy fucking shit?
I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!
symple: Why did you include me in this fuckery?
symple: And why the fuck am I the profile picture?
angela: Because you are the thot of the group.
symple: Well it takes one to know one.
symple: Aren't Thot jokes just "whore'able?"
angela: FUCK OFF!
What does the mom (or terrorists, fuck that) say for the (twin) towers to eat?
Open wide, here comes the plane!
What do Boy Scouts and IG models have in common?
They both be fucking sugar daddies.