Friend jokes

Teddy’s got a man in his Fanny.

I noticed my friend's hairline yesterday. I could tell it was a Supercuts hair salon haircut, so how I could tell was 'cuz it was super alright, super lame.

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

What's the difference between friends and family?

One is actually real.

Food makers are proudly presenting human flesh-made foods. Donate your useless friends and family to us because we're saving lives.

T and C apply. This is only in the best shops in your town, or down the road, or in your country. 1 like = 1 family member donated 'cause we're saving lives😎😎

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?

Sandy Hook survivor.

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

How can you tell your best friend is gay?

His meat tastes like shit.

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."

What's Daveon's favorite type of music? Daveon-core.

My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?

My classmate, Hailey Legacy.

Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.

Man's friend: Same.

Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.

Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.

Man: Oh great heavens!

My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.

It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.

Today, I filmed an unboxing video at my friend's funeral.

His parents weren't too happy.

What does an emo kid say to his best friend?

"Let's hang out."

Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?

Me: Yo, dude! Yo mama so fat when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes!

My friend's mom: Why you bully me?

I played Uno with my Mexican friend.

That bastard took all the green cards!