Friend jokes

My Italian chef friend died last week. He pasta away.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.

I told my friend an egg joke yesterday.

He thought it was eggcellent.

Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”

Friend 1: “Yeah.”

Friend 2: “Yea.”

Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”

Friend 3: “I love anime.”

Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*

Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.

The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...

My friend dumped me, so I stole their wheelchair.

Have a guess who came crawling back?

Bro, your humor is so bad I bet you would laugh at this.

A B 💿.

Friend: Slavery isn't good.

Other friend: Yeah, it's terrible.

Me: Shut up and get me a juice!

I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.

Friend: Your t-shirt is cringe.

Me: You should go get the Covid test because one of their symptoms is no taste.

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.

What does a deaf person and an orphan have in common? They both can’t hear their parents.

Why can’t an orphan go to Family Dollar? They don’t have a family.

Don’t mess with an emo because if their friends pull up, you gotta fight the suicide squad.

Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.

How to kick a deaf person off the plane:

Step 1: Pretend to yell and get some friends to do it, too.

Step 2: Tell your friends to raise both of their hands.

Step 3: He's out of the plane on a parachute.

Friend: My bike doesn't have a kick stand, so it can't stand up.

Me: Nah, it's just two tired.

So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.

My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.

What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?

He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”

One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.