My friend Enyaw is gay, she is a cunt.
Friend Jokes
Friend 1: Did you?
Depressed friend 2: I didn't!
Friend one: Swear on your life!
Depressed friend 2: I swear.
A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.
The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.
TJ's hairline is so far back, his friends don't even want to talk to him.
Bro, the Twin Towers are like my grandpa and his friends. One survived—my grandpa. The others have fallen—his friends.
Is your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go wayyyy back?
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friends deered it to.
A friend took me out to his shed and was showing me all his tools, when he pointed to a ladder. "That's my step ladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.
Friend: Why?
Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.
He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
Depresso Exspresso let's be friends, please.
Your friend is so fat, when he took the group pic, he was the background.
Why are the two friends like the Twin Towers?
They fell apart.
My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"
Two friends fighting.
Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"
Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."
Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.
My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.
So did my friend on the right.
I had a dream of skiing.
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
Me: How do cowboys say hello?
Friend: Howdy.
Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
Me: What's the fifth month of the year?
Friend: May.
Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?
