Friend jokes

My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.

Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.

Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.

That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:

Why do girls only stay in odd groups of friends?

Because they literally can't even.

I have a friend who's a suicide bomber. He's a blast at parties.

Yo bro, look at this twig I found on the floor. Wait...

My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."

I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"

He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"

"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.

I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."

Confucius say: "Gay man who take far, far away trip, hates to leave friends behind."

For my girlfriend and friends to chat :)

I watched a movie with a lot of ketchup on the ground.

I don't know why my friends look disgusted.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.

I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.

I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.

Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.

My friend was playing a game and said he was fighting cultists, so I said Kanye's fanbase.

My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.

Your hairline and forehead must be friends, because they go way back further than the universe.