Friend jokes

My friend told me I was so dark that I had no bright ideas.

Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.

Friend: Hi.

Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?

Friend: Me?

Me: Damn, no, not you.

Friend: Then who?

Me: The orphan kid.

I guess we're the same.

One day I went to talk to my friend.

"Hi John!" I said.

No response.

"Oh, yeah."

I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.

"Hope that helps!"

My friend is an emo. I asked why he wears black. He said, "Black like my soul." I just walked away.

My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.

Me: What do you call an orphan?

Friend: Homeless.

My friend said not to look down on me. I said I can't because I'm shorter than her.

Why didn't the orphan play video games with his friends?

Because his parents wouldn't let him.

You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

My friends' titties are bigger than my sakuras.

My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".

My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.

It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.

Who's Paul Walker's close friend?

Tree.

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."

When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.

Person: My left ear is ringing.

Friend: Then answer it!

My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.