Friend jokes

I can never get away from my dog, he follows me everywhere. I think you two would be really good friends.

Most of his Taliban friends have more wives than teeth.

My friend is an emo. I asked why he wears black. He said, "Black like my soul." I just walked away.

You're so fat that when you go on a walk with your friends, it looks like they are orbiting you.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.

Friends, gather here.

Samantha, Josephine, Stevie, Jess, Alice, and Alex.

I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.

He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"

Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"

Some weird kid came into school today with his tagging gun. He tagged my friend really good. At the end, he tagged 12 students and 1 teacher. VICTORY ROAYAL ✌

You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.

Friend: I must order more nuts.

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

Person: My left ear is ringing.

Friend: Then answer it!

Who's Paul Walker's close friend?

Tree.

Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.

It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.

My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."

The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.

Friend (Evan): Did you do some dumb shit?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Did you get us both in trouble?

Me: Hell yeah.

Friend (Evan): Will I still help you because you are my best friend?

Both: FUCK YEAH!