Friend jokes
Ah, you wanna read a cheeseburger joke for your friends to hear.
Nah, bro, you're just going to get cheese on your burger.
My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.
A friend of mine told me something that I cannot forget, and I am now traumatized to hell. The next day a kid was set for an amber alert that looked exactly like my DEAR friend! :)
I was at school with friends. One of my friends had hair in her armpits. The rest of my friends and I tried not to laugh or say anything, until one of my friends laughed and told her she had hair in her armpits, so she ran to her locker to get hair remover and went to one of the restroom stalls.
Me: I have an arrow in my head.
My friend: What's the point of that?
Me: Of the arrow?
Friend: No!
Me: Probably the flint.
Why did Shawn suddenly fly to Mount Everest, leaving behind friends, family, and food?
Someone told him that "Shelby"'s coming 'round the mountain.
When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"
Why can't orphans call their friends?
Because they don't have a home phone!
The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."
I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
I miss seeing my friends and teachers.
Carly (😊): What a beautiful day, huh?
Bianca (😔): Yes, for you it is.
Carly (😟): What's wrong?
Bianca (😕): Nothing, nothing at all...
Carly (😠): Don't lie to me...
Carly (🤔): Hmmm... Jordan???
Carly (😈): Because if so, I can take him out like this...
Bianca (😔🙄😒): Thank you... no... and I don't give a damn anymore!
Carly (😠): Bianca, trust me, you don't love him anyway!
Bianca (😒): Please, Carlyana, please keep your fucking face out of this.
Carly (😈): No need to curse, I can do that to Jordan if you want...
Bianca (😔): Well... shut your mouth and leave me alone!
Dinosaurs be like:
".......My friends are dead, like bruhhh."
A friend texts to another:
"Hey." They reply, "What's up?"
The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "The sky!" But the other friend intervenes and says, "No, it's the ceiling!"
To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "Unless you're homeless or six feet under."
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
Best friend makes joke about 9/11.
Me: My pop was a part of that!
Best friend: So sorry!
Me: My pop was the pilot of the plane, he flew through 89 floors.
I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.
What does a ginger do when they want to high five a friend? They clap.
Me and my friends were telling puns. My teacher said we should be “pun-ished.”