Friend

Friend jokes

Dam

    • Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."

    Gender

    • Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*

    Me: Uh, male?..

    Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*

    Me: You silly goose.

    *Silence for like three seconds*

    Me: Still male though-

  • 3
    • Friend memes

    Tree

    • What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

  • 0

    • God

    • The Egyptian god of sun's name is Ka.

    My friend: Where does the sun god go to get a shoe?

    Me: In a Ka-boot sale :D

    Friend: What would happen when someone stole the shoe?

    Me: Call The Police Ka!!!

    Missile

    • Jim and Allyn are 2 mates in the Air Force. They were paired up for a training exercise. They got up into the air and Jim said, "Okay Allyn, your helmet can control the missile when launched from the jet. Go ahead and test fire a missile and aim it at anything you want." Allyn fired the missile and had his eyes set on an abandoned building. Jim then said, "I also forgot, watch out for friendly fire." Allyn said "What?" as he looked over at Jim.

  • 1

    • Asshole

    • A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.

    The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"

    The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"

  • 0

    • School

    • I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

  • 0

    • Pasta

    • I made a bet with my friend that I couldn’t create a working car with spaghetti.

    You should have seen her face when I drove pasta! 😂

    Tongue

    • "My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."

    The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/

  • 2

    • Penis

    • The penis has a sad life. His hair is always a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him.

    He also stands up for kids who can't defend themselves.

  • 0

    • Coconut

    • My friend thinks he is funny.

    He told me that the only food that makes you cry is an onion, so I threw a coconut at him.

    Worm

    • A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.

    A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.

    BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.

    NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)

  • 0