Food jokes
People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.
I know this is a really bad poem, but I'll do it anyway 'cause I have nothing else to do.
'Twas so pretty a night, with people all asleep. Everyone's dreaming of that candy apple treat, and a palace. But alas! No, it's all a dream. Even eating ice cream, it's all a dream! Why can't I have this? Why can't I have that? BUT NO! It's just hitting you like a bat. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT, you say to yourself. All for me, all for me, and et cetera. It goes on and on. But why wish for riches? You're already rich enough. If you have a device, then take my advise, if you were poor you would have spent the money on food, like honey, not something that... OF ALL THINGS IS GOOGLE!
Like I said, it's really bad. :(
What do you do with a frozen vegetable?
You wait for it to thaw.
What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
What do you call a smart egg? An egghead.
That was an egg-cellent joke!
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"
I think you're eggcellent!
Why were the tenants of the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered a pepperoni pizza, but they got PLANE.
I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!
I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.
Your mama can't walk up the stairs because she eats too much chips.
What's the difference between pepper and salt? One of them is black and the other one is white.
A man attacked me with cheese and milk. How dairy!
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
You want to hear a cheesy pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy!
Hehehehehe.
What do you call a skeleton's egg?
An egg-i-BONE!
What does a baby banana call her mum? Na na, get it? Instead of ma ma.
I saw a bear eating a duck.
It was unBEARable.
You're the sriracha to my hoisin sauce.
And together, we are pho-ever.