Food jokes
When I said I wanted vegetable stew, I didn’t mean boil Stephen Hawking!
How many babies does it take to make dinner?
Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.
What kind of pizza do Asians get?
Prain.
Egg?
If I busted an egg on your head.... the yolk would be on you... ha ha ha!!!
Why were the Twin Towers mad during 9/11?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but instead got plane.
Remember, children, when you're hungry at 3:00, cook forks for 10 minutes, ok?
My diet consists of Blood Pudding, I love it and have it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, my secret ingredient though?
It consists of the blood and insides of my victims, it’s a bit chunky sometimes, some bits chewy, some bits hard, but it’s a hearty meal.
Why do orphans have water in their cereal?
Because their dad never came home with the milk.
What do you get when you mix an apple with water... applesauce. Wait, do not leave yet. If you are still reading this, you have been rekt, ha ha. At least I am still laughing.
What do you call a man shopping? A half-grown carton of cheese.
Dees was a squirrel who had big nuts.
Everybody loved dees big nuts.
What do you call someone who takes care of chickens?
A chicken tender.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
Q: Why did the chip run away?
A: His saucy friend tried to jizz on him.
What do you call having a 69 with a guy in a wheelchair?
MEALS ON WHEELS :-)
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling very well.
Wanna hear a joke about cheese? Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
Shorts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin. When it's sniff, stick it in. It goes in dry and comes out wet, And the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag.
It's not what you think it is. It's a Lipton tea bag.
Get your mind together!